Of coppers and choppers

Good morning, all. With the main man flying back to Blighty from his brief sojourn in Lousanne, I was asked to Take Care of Business on Friday, picking two teams of ten (and getting the keys, taking the money, etc.) And here they are:

Yellows: Paul, me, Steve, Alessandro, Charlie, Nick, Mick, Joe, Tony and Liam

Blues: Ed, Andy, Tom, Simon Ink, Ian Gooner, Danny, Alan, Adolpho, Mark and Yev

Incredibly, everyone turned up on time and we were able to kick off at 7.00 pm with no need for further adjustments, a turn of events that’s as rare as hen’s teeth. Another word on the starting line-ups: owing to an elbow injury specialist goalkeeper Ed was not in goal, which probably helped the overall balance of the two teams. Onto the match report.

Just the three goals to relay this week, as with twenty men on the pitch space was inevitably at a premium. Nick started in nets for the Yellows and I went in for the first change and promptly let in the two goals that the Blue team scored.

The first was regrettable, as I was fiddling with the goalie’s gloves and trying to keep an eye on the young scamps messing around behind the goal when Yev spied me slightly out of position and shrewdly passed the ball to my left and beyond my outstretched hand. Shortly afterwards a great Blue move culminated in a cross to the far post where Adolpho was unmarked. He crashed the ball home off his chest with tremendous panache for one of the more eye-catching goals we’ve had at Coram Fields. Blues 2 – Yellows 0.

There on, chances and space were limited for both teams. The Blues found it difficult to get beyond Joe and Steve, for all of Adolpho’s midfield scheming and Danny and Alan’s box-to-box runs. And at the other end the Yellows too struggled to make any clear cut chances, with Liam ploughing a lone furrow for much of the game, despite Nick, Mick, Charlie, Tony and Alessandro seeing plenty of the ball in the wide positions. The one goal which did come, with about twenty minutes to go, saw Tony spring Liam with a wonderful through ball which gave the jinky Scotsman a rare run on goal. He made no mistake and clinically slotted home.

All in all, a fairly decent game given the paucity of space with relatively little controversy. The game ended at around 7.55 with the score at 2-1 to the Blues.

Circumstance behoves me to relay details of the other events of the evening. The two young scamps I referred to in the sixth paragraph narrowly avoiding being drop-kicked off the pitch by Tom as they successfully garnered our attention by continually encroaching on the field of play and stealing one of our balls, which they later returned after Tom’s characteristically vocal intervention (“Get off the fucken pitch, mate!”). Happily, they duly fucked off.

More seriously, at around half seven what looked like an armoured police car screeched to a halt outside the entrance to the Foundling Museum and three coppers ran out to chase a troop of hooded youths that were straight from central casting in terms of looking like urban gang members. With sirens screaming and lights flashing the ball had gone out for a corner and we all naturally paused to see the ensuing drama, with me and Yev both suggesting that the constabulary use all reasonable force in their quest for justice. Alan’s reaction was to tell us to get on with the game.

And then at around ten to seven the air ambulance arrived. After a low pass over the three Coram Fields pitches which prompted a stop in play, the helicopter came back around and landed on the pitch. Unlike St James’s Park in 1984 we did not see Kevin Keegan step in, but rather the paramedics step out. Match abandoned.

You can read all about it here, but suffice to say that London is not always an easy city to love, for all that we do.

And thus to the Skinners, where a disbelieving Simon Gas awaited news of the night’s events. As he said, something dramatic always happens when he goes away. Aside from the tales of coppers and choppers, other items up for discussion included the generous chests of Dundee’s young ladies, (which got Yev’s attention) and the fallout from the most extraordinary general election result in recent times.  

See you on Friday.