Monday 21 February 2011

Lively on the pitch, less so in the pub

Another Friday, another game. Team line-ups had Dave A, Ross, Danny, Boro Dave, Simon Drummer and Andy versus Yev, Steve A, Simon Gashead, Paul, Mick, Matt and yours truly. It’s fair to say this was lively encounter between what turned out to be two very evenly matched sides.

Boro Dave opened the scoring when the team in colours were caught out playing far too high a line and a pass from deep found him totally unmarked. He rifled in to the bottom corner to leave Simon Gashead with no chance. Simon the drummer in the band made it two for the yellows when more sloppy defending allowed him to fire in virtually unopposed.

Proceedings then took on a more competitive tone when a series of decisions lead to raised voices between Boro Dave and assorted members of the team in colours; there was a hiatus of at least a minute while a lively debate about the precise spot a free kick should be taken rumbled on, while Gooner Ian was eventually penalised for a foul in the corner.

Perhaps galvanised by some of these decisions, (not least a very iffy handball given against me) Yev pulled one back with a Van Persie-esque finish from an acute angle that finally beat Dave A in goal, who’d been channelling Billy the Fish from Viz. More good work from Yev and Matt, who’d formed an excellent understanding, lead to the equaliser with Steve doing his bit for fraternal one-upmanship by steering the ball past his brother. And so ended the scoring and the game without further incident.

A quiet evening in the Old Fountain Head by recent standards, with little carousing on display, but rather a somewhat bourgeois discussion about north London schools followed by some discourse on the complicated make-up of modern cars.

No sign of Spizz.

Thursday 17 February 2011

Fizz, but no Spizz

Apologies for the delay in this week’s match report. Blame a combination of an IT catastrophe at work and my father-in-law arriving for three nights, starting from Valentine’s Day, (how romantic).

Last week’s encounter looked for around twenty minutes as if it would finish goalless, a rare, nay unparalleled occurrence for a Friday night game. There was nothing to separate the two evenly matched teams – Ross, Alex, Sam, Simons Gooner and George, Paul (who defied medical advice to take part) and (Ringo) Geoff versus Yev, Keir, Danny, Steve A, Dave A and Ian - until Ross opened the scoring, prompting a visceral yell from Alex which pierced the February night air. Alex soon made it two with a calm pass into the net, with Geoff getting in on the act with a beautiful flick with his left foot which was reminiscent of Michael Thomas’s title winning goal at Anfield all those years ago.

Yev did score one, but could (should?) have had a couple more as the team in bibs eventually pulled away to run out 5-1 winners – a score which seemed very unlikely in the opening stages. Keir hit the metalwork with a trademark drive from wide right which sang off the crossbar, before Ross completed the scoring by running full tilt onto a delicious pass from Sam, just managing to make contact before the ball reached the area.

And so to the pub, where things started becoming distinctly messy after 9.30 when at least two rounds of whisky were complimented by a squadron of tequila slammers, salt and all. I left at 10.00ish before things deteriorated further. Paul left a few fizzy waters, which was eminently sensible.

Sad to say, there was no sign of Spizz.

Monday 7 February 2011

I have put in an email from Sheffield Andy for a quick match report

The Guvnor is taking advantage of a Sheffield Andy e-mail for an early match report.

"Yes I played on Friday. We should have won but it turned into a 3 all draw. Simon's decision to put Yev in defence for the first 15 mins kept our goal scoring abilities to a minimum. Spizz turned up to the pub wanting beer. He looked like Alvin Stardust in his pomp."


Gooner Simon will also provide a match report. But I sincerely hope that it is not the travelogue we got last time. For technical reasons the longer match report from the young Gooner (well he is younger than me!!)
comes before this particular blog.

Best regards, the Guvnor.PS> My link should really be Stratford Hotspur rather than Tottenham Hotspur!! Never mind come on you Spurs and who gives a monkeys for an Olympic legacy!!

Noms de football

Excuse the poncy title for this blog – I am under instructions from Paul to keep you all as anonymous as possible, hence noms de football… think of them like noms de guerre but without the shooting, to misquote George Orwell.

So, last Friday’s game then. Simon I (that’s his second name initial – he isn’t King of anything, so far as I am aware) opened the scoring in a lively 3-3 draw. Simon I is the Simon who isn’t Simon Gashead, or me. What you might label a dirty finish, scuffing one into the bottom right corner, but they all count. Ian West Brom then entered the fray, making it seven aside. With Yev playing in an unaccustomed defensive role the team in colours continued to press for a second, with Alex and Will causing plenty of problems for the team in bibs. Following an excruciating bash on the toe I relieved Simon Gashead in goal and with a depressing predictability quickly saw the game turn on its head as Ross finished from close range to equalise, followed by a long range effort from Alan to make it 2-1.

Alex stroked in at the other end to make it two apiece, before the bibs went back into the lead. With time ticking away some elegant passing lead to Will side footing what proved to be the final goal in an absorbing contest to level the scores at 3-3. There was a suspicion of one of Will’s feet being just inside the area as that goal went in, but there was little (if any) protest from the bibs and the goal stood.

Joe then went down with a recurrence of an old ligament injury, but despite being a man short the team in bibs defended resolutely and the side in colours could not find a winner, even with Yev returning to his traditional berth up front. Honours even, which I think all would agree was a fair result on the balance of play.

And so to the pub, where the post match hoi polloi fell into two camps: those watching the egg chasing from Cardiff and those who were not. At around 9.00 pm none other than Spizz himself came in, sporting a biker’s jacket and a shock of very black hair. That, I think all would concur, is a confirmed sighting of the legendary post-punk figure.

Tuesday 1 February 2011

Those girls from Birmingham, Alabama really sprinted out of the pub!!

On Friday, all the qualities of the beautiful English game were on display,from the pretty grueseome performance on the pitch to the raucous post-match party, which took place in the Fountain. Obviously, we missed Spizz,
who always bring a bit of colour to events with his brightly coloured yellow hair.

So making fun in the Fountain is often a pretty low-key affair but last Friday I had a pretty hazy memory of Big Ian G. giving me a big bear hug welcoming back the Guvnor of old to
true form.

I have to admit it was pretty much my fault that the quiet post-match drinks turned into a complete drunken spree, and pretty whiskey filled at that!!! This was due to the extraodinary generosity of Mick K. and Yev, who kept the rounds coming even when the others had run out of money.

Sometimes, (birthdays and highdays), I buy a complete round of drams to celebrate. I am looking at 53. My hair is falling out and I can't run and hack that Keir down like I want to.
But I got some plaudits for my steady play last Friday. So I wanted to buy everybody drinks (I must be mad, the drugs of choice at the moment are sodium valporate and olanzapine). However, I had run out of money. Gashead Simon refused to give me a loan (is that a junk credit rating or what!!) and then run out of the pub. However, Mick K. and Yev stepped in and bought the drinks.

Then, suddenly Steve A. was doing full blast the "Ode to the Haggis" and then singing the "Flower of Scotland". What was more amazing was that the old sassenach Ian G. knew all the words.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/robertburns/works/address_to_a_haggis/

The other young people in the pub studiously ignored us, when we were standing up singing Scottish chants, songs and poems at top volume. Big Sam was putting in a heroic performance. He had played footie straight sfter arriving from New York and after spending a night at JFK. Big Sam was getting stuck into the drinks and so he is a true athlete in every way.

There were two girls sitting on their own next to our mob. So Yev put on
his "I LIKE GIRLZ AND I AM AN INVESTMENT BANKER" smile and charged in.
Mick K. (a bit diffidently), went up to
say hi.

The less pretty one was all smiles but soon the pretty one's face was registering shock and horror. The girls were U.S citizens, who came from Birmingham, Alabama.
Mick K. could not understand why they had'nt gone to see the Villa in the UK's second city but went to terrible places such as Brighton. (The Holte End is not the centre of the universe Mick!)

Anyway, our lads, being the gentlemen they are, politely withdrew. Soon afterwards the Birmingham, Alabama girls fairly sprinted out of the pub. They were so fast I thought about signing them for our team!!

You simply had to be there because it was a pure comedy moment. Steve A. and I just collapsed in giggles. I suddenly thought of all the boys in the team, who had missed it and somehow I thought of Shakespeare:

Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

Alright the pub was no way a battle scene but I quite like the words and here is a toast to "Sweet Home Alabama"!!!

Return to Action…Yev converts three out of six chances

Firstly, I’d like to say what an incredible honour it is to be asked to write a Blog entry for the legendary Spizz Forever website. I can only hope to maintain the high standards set by the Guvnor over the years, although I won’t be following Joe’s example and heading into verse. The only poem I know starts ‘There was a young lady from Ealing’…

Last Friday marked my return to the Friday night football fray after a post-Christmas hiatus following my recent trip to the Antipodes see the Urn return home to England. And what had changed? Well, I was in a little worse shape than I thought, something only exacerbated by Joe giving me the fluorescent boobtube to wear. Dave A. was still crocked, but manfully deciding to forgo medical advice and play in goal. Anything else? Yes, dear reader: Boro Dave is back.

I was grateful for the high turn out as after a Christmas period spent eating mince pies and goose followed by three weeks of sun and beer I didn’t fancy running around too much. The fact there were 18 people on the pitch didn’t seem to hamper what I thought was a decent game, however. With Keir in his now customary spot opposite Alex in central midfield and the prodigal Smoggie on the opposing team to the key striker, Yev, both teams looked well balanced. A combination of typically resolute Aiton defending from Dave and Steve and a barnstorming display from Alex was enough to win the game for the team in colours, although had Boro Dave been back a few more weeks his finishing would have been more clinical. He’s looking good for the business end of the season.

The score was 2-1 to the team in colours up until the final few minutes when a Yev strike took a deflection and left yours truly wrong footed. New year, same poor goalkeeping from me.

And, at 3-1, that was that…

I’m intrigued to hear more about ‘Sweet Home Alabama’; when I left the Fountain’s Head Steve A was regaling the pub with his best Rabbie Burns rendition. In the words of David Coleman, what happened next?

PS: Spizz is still retired.