Blue Friday

Good day, footballers, Spizzenergi fans and the idly curious. It’s time for your weekly match report from Coram Fields.

Last Friday saw the very welcome sight of Simon Gas, and with it a return to order and stability in the galaxy. Tour of Duty in Vietnam over, these were the two teams that I’d prepared:

Blues: Andy, Tony, Alan, Simon Gas, Vitaliy, Peter, Bristol Paul, Mario and Tom

Yellows: me, Danny, Simon Ink, Mark, Yev, Callum, Michele, Mick and Gary

A few qualifiers here – firstly, as expected, the two Ukrainians were late. No matter, they balanced themselves. The Morgan Stanley contingent also arrived in dribs and drabs and in the chaos I’ve just realised that Mick ended up on the Yellow team when he was supposed to be a Blue. The final piece of the jigsaw, which meant a nine aside game, was the Aussie Tom, who was assigned to the Blue side, erroneously as it turned out.

By this stage – i.e. Tom’s arrival - the Yellows had taken a two goal lead and Tony was already clamouring for a change. The one switch that did take place was Alan swapping with Danny, which made no difference to proceedings whatsoever.

Unusually, the game collapsed into a very one-sided affair, with the Yellows prevailing by a landslide 8-1. Had Mick played for the team he was picked to represent it may have made some difference, as he was his usual self, cajoling and urging on his team-mates and organising the disorganised. That said, a team featuring the combined talents of Mario, Peter, Alan / Danny and Vitality, to say nothing of Tony himself, should have done much, much better. Callum and Michele were both excellent for the Yellows, closing down space, pressing high up the pitch and forcing mistakes and taking advantage to score a dollop of goals. Alan also got on the scoresheet, charging down a goalkick and scoring from all of about nine inches.

Gary, who apparently featured the other week, also had a great game and ensured that the Yellow team never lost shape, despite the threats from Mario and Tony.

By the closing stages of the game we’d reached the stage that anything that could go wrong for the Blues did go wrong, as chances that would normally be tucked away went bagging and Danny scored a bizarre own goal that shanked in off his instep and flew high in the roof of the net from a tight angle.

All in all, not the best game, although if the Blue team had spent less time whinging and moaning about the sides the final score would have been a bit closer.

No pub report this week as nappy changing duties continue to call, but I’ve been provisionally greenlit for Friday for 2015/2016’s final game and hopefully a comprehensive end of season review, complete with awards and top five lists.

In the meantime, I’d encourage everyone to turn up on time on Friday, as it does help, and to refrain from accusing me of gerrymandering the teams to ensure I’m on the winning side, as this wouldn’t stand up to even the most cursory of analysis.