Monday, 11 January 2016


Happy New Year, everyone and welcome back to the world of the Friday night match report, which actually features its namesake and original inspiration for once. As is custom for the first game of the New Year, there was a bumper turnout with twenty chaps pitching up. Here are the teams I came up with:

Yellows – Simon Ink, Paul, Alan, Ross, Ian Gooner (welcome back), Nick, Steve, Yev, Alex and Simon Gas

Blues – Mark, me, Andy, Danny, Ian Baggies, Spizz (ditto), David, Mick, Liam and Mario

As you can see, the diminutive post-punk firework wasn’t the only prodigal return; Ian of Forest Gate also returned after a short, self-imposed exile. And just to prove that the more things change the more they stay the same, Yev was late.

With ten aside space and time were always going to be luxuries that few could afford, but despite the number of personnel on the pitch a decent game of football ensued.  The Yellows, with what David later referred to as their bearded midfield hordes, kept surging forward to try and set up either Ross or Yev and it was the former who opened the scoring by punishing the Blues’ defence and steering the ball home past Danny. That goal prompted the Fylde coast midfield dynamo to head out of nets and bring his vim and energy into effect for the Blues.

Liam then equalised courtesy of a rather route-one effort, controlling a goal kick which bypassed the other eighteen players on the field and slotting home past Simon Gas. The game could then have gone either way, with Simon Gas proving difficult to beat in goal for the Yellows, and Ian Baggies and assorted Blue defenders somehow managing to thwart the relentless pressure from Nick, Alex, Yev and Ross, with Ian stretching play with his cute goalhanging.

For the Blues, the front three of Spizz, Mario and Liam had a tough time of it up against Simon Ink and Steve at the back, but it was the Caledonian striker that had the final say by squeezing home from a tight angle and thereby winning it for the Blues. Props go to Mark and David for the Blues, who had great games in midfield and defence respectively, while Alex and Yev looked the men most likely to for the Yellows.

Very little drama or controversy this week; Spizz claimed a dubious free kick from Steve, which thankfully came to nought, while we mysteriously played on after the final whistle before being unceremoniously turfed off by the Coram Fields manager.

Final score: Yellows 1 – Blues 2

And so to the Skinners, where a hot buffet and end of year presentation took place in a nod to Christmas (just) past. After an hour or so delay, Alan, Ian and myself took our seats to await the safe arrival of a platter of pork pieces, chicken drumsticks, sandwiches and mini sausages and very nice they were too. Eventually Simon and the rest of the crew realised that they’d better get involved before we three disappeared into a blur of processed pork and they were joined by two plates of chips and battered prawns. Yum.

As the deep fried carbohydrates took their soporific effect Ross read aloud the goal scoring stats for the season so far, with the bearded chanteur taking second place behind Liam, who duly held the Silver Plate aloft. Never one to miss a chance to muscle in on someone else’s glory, Spizz also photobombed the picture with, err, a cardboard disc. Liam’s in good company here, as the last time I saw Spizz try and hog someone else’s limelight he was on stage with Iggy Pop at the Royal Festival Hall (and about 100 other people.

Which brings me onto Iggy’s sometime producer, friend and conspirator, David Bowie. What a sad day. It’s very hard to think about a world without Bowie in it; it’ll certainly by greyer and less interesting. See you on Friday.

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