Monday, 23 February 2015

++++Coram Field scene++++Field scene Coram++++scene Coram Field++++etc. and so forth++++

First of all, many apologies for the failure to post last week’s blog – I did write something up last week, but a combination of fatigue and an extraordinarily trying week at work conspired to prevent me from finishing the post. Consider this week’s post something of a magazine style round –up of recent events. 

For posterity’s sake, here is what I did manage to write about the events of Friday 13th February….

“Six played seven on Friday night, as Harkins, Simon Gas’s trusted butler, fielded a slew of late sick notes from the great and not-so-great of the Coram Fields football establishment. The Muswell Hillbilly selected the following two teams to do battle in miserable February weather:

Yellows: Ian Gooner, Nick, Daniel, Tony, Liam, me

Blues: Simon Ink, Mark, Mick, Paul, Simon Gas, specialist goalkeeper Phil, Danny

Predictably, this proved to be a hard going situation for a group of men on the wrong side of 30, but Simon Gas ushered on two young lads who added some considerable pace and skill into the game and changed the make-up of proceedings somewhat.

There was plenty of space and that room, combined with a slippy surface and the addition of two young lads with pace to burn made for ideal goal conditions. I’ll have a go at recalling a few of them.

Simon Ink got a late one off his instep that I could have sworn he missed altogether; the young lad smashed one in at my near post following some decent build-up from the Blues’ right; Mark managed to get on the scoresheet after he went in for a challenge with Liam and the ball pinged in, wrong-footing the ‘keeper; 

For the Yellows Daniel grabbed a couple, one a dipping shot with his right. Liam and their other young lad got the other.

Final score: Blues 6 Yellows 4”

[In my defence I spent most of the game in goal owing a hamstring twinge that meant I couldn’t run and kick the ball. As such, my view of most of the Yellow’ goals was poor, owing to the fact I was about fifty yards away and in pain. That the last man was Ian Gooner, who had a bad foot, may explain why the Blues triumphed].

My chief memory of the Skinners from last week was Ian’s 18 year old passport photo, i.e. a passport taken at the age of eighteen years, which was snapped when he spent two weeks eschewing his then usual post-punk garb for a look best described as Wham!-lite on a Club 18-30 holiday in Majorca in the early ‘80s. As this was part of a preternaturally sly strategy to attract as many young ladies as possible in a fortnight it can only be recorded for posterity as a roaring success judging by Ian’s testimony. 


And so onto the more recent match.

Plenty of goals this week but not so many players, as Simon Gas was forced to issue an urgent call to arms to the Coram Fields faithful in an attempt to recruit enough people to make a game of things.

His Tuesday night SMS missive did the trick, as three new chaps turned up; Nick recruited a fellow six-footer (with beard) called Mike and Steve, gamely in attendance despite being hamstrung, (there’s a lot of it about) brought along a bloke named Alan*. Also in attendance was one of the young whippersnappers who Simon presumably gives a game so that we can all tweak our hamstrings vainly trying to keep up with them. Someone not in attendance was Mario, who from all accounts was set for a sensational comeback but for… yet another pinged hamstring. 

With habitual late turner-uppers Mick and Yev eventually joining the throng we had the following two sides:

Blues: Ian Gooner, Simon Gas, Alan, Tony, young lad, Mick, me

Yellows: Nick, Mike, Daniel, Steve (in nets) Paul, Yev and Alan*
(* I checked that his name was Alan, with, err, Alan).

 As you can see, seven aside there. There followed a veritable cornucopia of goals, with the Blues being reliant on the young feller alongside Alan up front, while the Yellows arguably had a better balance in their team, with Nick, Mike and Daniel seeking to break from midfield in order to utilise Yev’s searing pace. 

No side got more than two ahead of the other all evening, I believe – the Blues scored first, taking a two goal lead (including a rare score from myself; a left footed volley which trundled in between Steve’s legs after Alan’s initial shot had come back off the post), before the Yellows struck back with Yev firing in from an acute angle. I took a spell in goal to avoid inflaming the niggly hamstring that would appear to be all the rage and during this sojourn Nick flicked in a cheeky goal from a corner that I couldn’t quite get enough glove on to force over the bar, while Yev brilliantly rolled Mick and stuck the ball away in the far corner. Mike also capped a fine debut at Coram Fields with a curved effort that bent in into the far post, past an unsighted ‘keeper.

At the other end Alan and Tony sought to capitalise on the tireless running of the young fella, who must have scored at least five times, his feet a blur of movement as Steve bravely tried to block his various efforts. Despite Ian’s exhortations to Simon Gas to get nearer the area, the Muswell Hill supremo spent most of his time occupying his customary wide berth, although he did follow up one passing movement to tap home from about two yards.

Just the one moment of controversy this week as Yev was penalised for shoving me in the chest a la Joey Barton, which he and Daniel seemed to feel was within the laws of the game, much to the Blues’ bemusement. 

In the end the young legs, quick feet and incessant movement of the young lad proved just enough to give the Blues victory by the odd goal in 17.

And so to the pub, for a few of us anyway. Topics under discussion included Steve’s ongoing national identity crisis, Yev’s wife’s prospective new set of wheels and all the usual nonsense. 
That’s your round-up. 

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