And so we reach the end of another football season, as
2013-2014 beings to dissolve from plain view into the golden hindsight of the
metaphorical rear view mirror. And what a season, both at Coram Fields and
beyond. Manchester United making an unholy mess of their first post-Fergie
season. Tony breaking a leg skiing. Athletico Madrid upsetting the big two in
Spain. Ian and Nick nearly coming to blows. Arsenal winning a trophy. Simon Gas
winning a permanent 7.00 pm kick off time. Germany winning their first World
Cup since reunification in 1990. Yev turning up on time. Oh, hang on....
Friday night saw some of the hottest temperatures I’ve ever exercised
that vigorously in since Glastonbury 1992. Simon’s final two team selections of
the season were as follows:
Yellows: Alex, Khalid, Yev, Steve, Mark, Simon Ink, Daniel,
Alan
Blues: me, Simon Gas, Mario, Ross, Spizz, Danny, Will
With the ambient
temperature still way over 25 degrees I personally felt as if a) my legs were
made of lead and b) my brain was about to catch fire. Happily, the searing heat
didn’t seem to affect everyone else to the same extent, as there was a
surprisingly fast pace to proceedings and a generally high standard of play.
Steve opened the scoring for the Yellows via a header from a perfectly placed
corner, after I’d managed to keep out his initial shot. Of the two goals that
the Blues scored I know that Danny got one, I think it was the first, as he
came out of goal and slalomed past various defenders on the right before finishing
from a tight angle. That’s certainly what it looked like to me, although I was
about 50 yards away attempting vainly to get my breath back.
The Yellows’ other goal was a penalty, awarded by Simon for
someone pushing someone else. Again, I’ve no idea who. Spizz, hero of this blog and post-punk Star Trek fans the world over, did the rest.
(Just). Simon has clearly been to Specsavers this week as he chalked off a goal
for the Blues for handball. Once again I’ll plead the Wenger amendment, but in
my defence I had just taken a ball to the nose from a distance of about three yards
as Yev span and volleyed the ball straight at my schnoz. He said afterwards
that he wasn’t aiming for it, which is kind.
The Blues’ second goal did come from another effort from Yev
as he outmuscled someone or other and powered the ball past Simon Gas in nets
and into the far top corner.
By my reckoning that was the final score – i.e. 2-2 – but we
once more played on well past the 8.00 pm cut-off time and Steve got another
headed goal from a corner at around 8.05. I think for next season we need some
clearer boundaries about scoring past eight ‘o’ clock; by all means play on if
no-one else is coming on, but when you’ve played forty minutes with a man less
than the opposition in sizzling heat it’s a bit much to be accused of whining
when you point out that the game is supposed to take an hour - not 70 minutes,
80, or even 90.
As one of the Coram Fields staff beckoned us to come back in
to the changing rooms, which appear to have been swapped for a set of Turkish
Showers, Alan ‘scored’ another ‘goal’ from a corner, although Simon had already
started to leave the field of play by this stage, so he tapped into an
unguarded net. As such, I’m saying it doesn’t count.
Final score: 2-2, or 3-2
to the Blues, depending on your allegiance. (Or 4-2, if you're Alan).
A veritable smorgasbord of processed pork products (how’s
that for alliteration?) awaited us at the Skinners, with a tray of pork pies,
some sandwiches (mainly ham) and not one, but two plates of sausage rolls
laying in the reserved section at the rear of the pub. Only a token tray of
Chicken Satay, (or Goujons, if you’re Simon), was there to represent the other
meats available.
Topics under discussion included £10 flights to Donetsk,
(one way), Summer transfer activity, Summer holiday activity, reviews of the
season and Yev’s prospective tour of East Anglia and the low countries via push
bike. The first leg is on August 9th and takes him from Epping
Forest to Harwich, in case people are interested.
And as the pub awning withdrew and advanced like a man with
brewer’s droop in the late night rain, all that was left was to raise a glass
to another successful season of Being Active And Staying Away from The Pub
until 8.30 pm. See you all on September 12th. Have a great Summer.
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