Attack versus no attackers

Joe, aided and abetted by Simon Gas, opted for an interesting team selection on Friday which featured no fewer than four out and out strikers on one team – their team – with none on the others. Conspiracy theorists, do your worst.

The sides lined up as follows:

• Bibs: me, Alan, Paul, Sam, Andy, Mick (eventually), Simon (Guest appearance), Ian Geary, Danny
• Colours: Simon Gas, Joe, Yev, Boro Dave, Ian Gough, Spizz, Dan, Steve A, Simon Inkpen

Those teams don’t look that fair on paper do they? They were even less so on the pitch, particularly as the Bibs were a man down for the first five minutes as we awaited the arrival of the late Mick. That said, the side in colours were unable to score for the first fifteen minutes, with the bibs goal leading a somewhat charmed life in addition to Andy pulling off a string of remarkable saves – one in particular from Ian Gough was reminiscent of Gordon Banks at the 1970 Mexico World Cup. (Although that would make Ian Gough Pele, which is a bit of a stretch for even the most vivid imaginations). The breakthrough, when it did arrive, was at the other end.

The opening goal of the night came after I had skewed a shot across the area which was subsequently poked toward goal, whereupon Simon Inkpen could only nudge it gingerly toward Alan, lurking on the edge of the D. The ball was travelling at approximately the same speed as a glacier, but none of the defending team could do anything apart from mouth the syllable ‘No’, rather like the key scene in a Vietnam film where the platoon commander takes a fatal bullet from an unseen enemy. Once the ball had eventually reached the edge of the D Alan promptly smashed it back past Simon Inkpen with an élan that was almost contemptuous.

Despite loud exhortations not to lose concentration and therefore the lead, the bibs did precisely that, although to be fair Boro Dave’s finish from distance was very impressive. I forget who scored the next goal for the team in colours, (it was probably Yev), but Alan then grabbed an equaliser with a pirouette and guided finish that levelled things up at two apiece.

The next goal was always going to be crucial and it was the colours that got it; Spizz slipping his marker (Paul) from the far side of the area and arriving with a perfectly timed run to pass the ball through my legs and make it 3-2. The bibs then conceded a soft goal to make it 4-2, from a speculative effort from wide on the left. The final score was 5-3, with Alan completing an impressive hat-trick with what was by common consent the goal of the evening. Some characteristically nimble footwork was topped off by a sublime finish that found the bottom corner like a guided missile.

The other notable moment(s) that I can recall were toward the end of the game when Paul twice found himself in space in the outside right position. The first time I eschewed the opportunity to pass to him, instead opting for a flashy but instinctive left-footed pass toward the on-fire Alan. (Note to Jamie Redknapp here: not literally). However, the second time I pushed him the ball and as he collected it I could hear the legendary Louis Armstrong sing ‘We have all the time, in the world’. Sadly, Paul didn’t and someone duly closed him down and the chance went.

An honourable mention here for Andy’s mate Simon, who won my ‘Most Impressive Simon’ of the night award, fending off competition from Simon Gas, Simon Inkpen and myself.

Nothing too alarming to report from the pub, although the sooner the roof terrace is open the better, as it is becoming ever more trickier to secure seating in there. Spizz stole my chair, although old punk that he is he would probably argue that all property is theft anyway.

Ian Gough relayed that he had sold his ticket for the Arsenal v Tottenham game as he is understandably sick of hearing people give the most successful manager in the club’s history dog’s abuse. All I’d say is that following his decision to miss the Arsenal v Blackburn game – which Arsenal won 7-1 – I’d like to formally request that Ian sell his season ticket for the good of the club that we both love. We’d be European Champions in no time.

I forgot I was doing the blog this week!!

Dear Readers, with Gooner Simon not playing last Friday (I feel your pain about the collapse of
the Arsenal and the future dispersal of all those bright talents Arsene Wenger thought he had),
I forgot it was up to me to do the Spizz Blog.

The game started five minutes late due to an over-run with the league game before us and there was a slight argument with the guys, who normally play for ages after us, to give us the five minutes we lost. There was also a technical/logistical problem because the teams were seven versus six, if I remember correctly. The West Midlander Mick K. was a no-show but if he had come it might have hit the fine balance between the two teams because the game finished three-three.

It was a pulsating 3-3 draw with Spizz taking two fine goals for us but the relative newcomer Dan missed a couple of sitters when their rush goalie was nobody to be seen. Dan is a Hereford United fan and was on Aston Villa books as a kid. So unlike some of the guys, who turn up on a Friday night, he can actually play football.

The first goal for them was when Ian Gou. (another Arsenal fan) got the wrong side of me ( I prefer zonal rather than man marking) and placed it past Blades Andy. It was a pretty soft goal to be honest. Then at the end, Joe did his Ashley Young turn inside and flashed the ball past the hapless goalie, who happened to be me.
Hugh, who is a regular for the 7.45 guys, got a nice goal with a cross shot from quite a way out but luckily I was not in goal for that. I can't remember the other goals.

I think I am setting up a goalie time bank. As Spizz did not go in goal last week, he will have to play 11.41 minutes between the sticks next time he plays. The equation supposes seven-a-side
playing for 40 minutes, because we never start on time to get a 7pm start. On my rough calculations Stevie A. would do quite a few minutes. I know people don't like going in goal but it
is not fair on the others. Good players such as Big Dave A. and Mick K. do their stint in goal without asking.

Changing the subject me and Big Sam got talking and how about a trip to Hamburg and see
St Pauli play (click the hyperlink, it a great photo!) The team is in the second division of the Bundesliga but Sam thought there would be no problems in getting a ticket. I have only been to the Bavarian cities of Wurzburg and Munich in Germany so I would be very interested in the trip. We probably would not be able to arrange a game for us to play the locals. One problem is the lack of a candidate, who would like to go in goal, although my choice would be Blades Andy.

On a sadder note my Dad passed away last week after a massive heart attack. He was born in
Manchester and used to see Utd one week and City the next at Maine Road because the Huns, who had already taken aerial photos before WWII had started, had bombed the crap out of the Old Trafford industrial estate. And that is why I support Utd although I have got a 49 pct liking for Spurs, sorry to be so schizo.

JPT: "O Lord, let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen."

++++BREAKING NEWS+++++TONIGHT'S GAME CANCELLED DUE TO FROZEN PITCH++++BREAKING NEWS

Over to Jim White in Old Street....

"Well Natalie, its not good news for north London's part-timer footballers as
this evening's seven o clock kick off has become an early victim of
the weather.

Better news for the wives and girlfriends, who will have
their menfolk at home for a rare Friday evening".

Jim, landlord of local hostelry The Old Fountain's Head, had this to say:

"It's a real shame, as most of those lads have been coming here since the fall of communism. I've managed to buy a timeshare in Bulgaria with the profits from their raging dipsomania. On the plus side I won't need to order any more boxes of crisps this week".

Tonight's postponement leaves chief administrator Simon George with a real headache, as the fixtures mount up mercilessly.

Join us after the break when Paul Merson and Tony Gayle give their reaction to the latest news.

Six goal thriller; body parts in the chiller…

Last Friday saw Winter finally arrive in the capital as a dozen or so hardy souls braved the Arctic temperatures to play a game of football. The teams were as thus:

Bibs: me, Yev, Simon Inkpen, Spizz, Boro Dave, Ian Gough, Paul, Geoff

Colours: Alex, Simon Gas, Dave A, Steve A, Ian Geary, Joe, Danny

The game finished in a highly entertaining three-all draw, although the colours were kicking themselves after taking a handy-looking two-nil lead early on. Spizz opened the scoring before switching horses mid-stream when the perennially tardy Geoff arrived to unsettle the balance of the two teams; Alex then made it two-nil. The bibs got back on terms first from an opportunist effort from Geoff and then via a classic striker’s finish from (who else?) Yev. Alex scored a third for the colours, but Yev ensured that honours were shared with a deserved equaliser.

Aside from the fact that it was so cold that the soft tissue in your lungs was burning after forty minutes of inhaling the quasi-Siberian air, the other key talking point of the game was a disputed free kick on the edge of the colours’ penalty area. I was in goal at the time, so will have to plead the Wenger amendment, but from what was discussed during and after the game the issue seemed to be that Big Dave A had at least part of his feet on and over the line of the ‘D’, thereby preventing the Bibs from taking a quick indirect free-kick before getting a shot off. A sensible strategy, no doubt, but with the goalkeepers’ feet outside the ‘D’ was it legal? Simon Gas decreed it thus, setting a precedent that Ian Gough, inter alia, is in no danger of letting him forget. It may have been the only time Ian ventured north of the halfway line in the game, but it was a memorable contribution to his otherwise purely defensive efforts.

The ensuing brouhaha looked fairly comical from my vantage point at the other end in goal, with lots of middle aged men shouting loudly and leaning into one another in a sort of circular pattern around a static football in a manner reminiscent of a group of drunken fishwives around a PVC handbag at a Christmas dinner dance. Predictably, the free kick was squandered.

I think the sub-zero temperatures must be to blame for my inability to recall much more about the game, although I had a chance to score toward the end by making a late run and poking the ball goal-ward with the outside of my left boot. To no avail, as ever.

A reasonably uneventful evening in the pub, although we should be grateful for the continued re-emergence of the enigmatic punk icon Spizz. Mine’s a Pilnser Urquell….

The Kraken awoke

Predictably, following last week’s eighteen-man fandango we were struggling for numbers on Friday night, with young Sam being drafted in to make two teams of six aside.

As far as memory serves the two teams were:

Bibs: Yev, Alan, Simon Gas, Paul, Geoff, Andy

Colours: me, (older?) Sam, Danny, Simon Inkpen, (young) Sam, Joe

It was a slightly odd affair, in that the colours took the lead with a brace from Simon Inkpen sandwiching an equaliser from the bibs. The colours then took a 3-1 lead through Joe and at this stage were pinging the ball around prettily and generally looking extremely comfortable indeed. Joe and young Sam in particular forged an excellent understanding and created numerous chances, albeit largely from angles either side of the ‘D’. Older Sam, (this is starting to sound like a tale from the Viking chronicles – Sam Youngsson as opposed to Sam Eldersson?) and I dropped back to contain the simmering goalscoring menace that is Yevgeniy.

All was going well, when suddenly the Kraken awoke and decided to win the game single-handedly; Yev brought the scores back level with two goals, one a rasping shot that fizzed into the net, the equaliser more of a Gerd Muller style finish that capped a fine team goal. The one that made it 4-3 to the Bibs left the outside of his right boot and crashed into the bottom right hand corner from about 20 yards; I forget who scored the fifth. Viewing events retrospectively, having lost their lead the colours seemed to drop too far off the ball in midfield having previously been so comfortable and yielded too much possession. A real game of two halves.

Other notables included Andy miscuing repeatedly from the edge of the D but still contriving to nutmeg Sam Eldersson, (much to his chagrin). There was what I have promised to call a ‘lovely moment’ when Alan somewhat paternally admonished Sam Youngsson for going in feet and metaphorical studs up: ‘Don’t go in studs up’, quoth the genial Irishman; ‘I just raised my foot’, replied the fair-haired tyro. ‘Well don’t do it again’. ‘Sorry’. It reminded me of a scene from the Waltons. I had a good chance toward the end but passed the ball into the grateful arms of Joe rather than either side and into the net.

And so to the pub, where the big news was the reappearance of mercurial punk legend Spizz, shamelessly promoting his last gig in London… until December. Clad in customarily DIY branded tracksuit bottoms (i.e. leggings) and other punk paraphernalia he was promoting his appearance on Saturday evening at Electrowerkz alongside Punishment of Luxury and Dutch Order. If you missed it, your next opportunity to see the Spike Milligan of Punk will be in Milan and Belgrade. Book early to avoid disappointment.

Back in the groove...

Happy New Year, readers – last Friday was my first game of 2012. And what a game it was; I cannot recall so many people playing before in one evening – we had a team of eight playing a team of nine with one substitute. (Hang on, that doesn’t sound very fair, even with a rush goalie).

More for reasons of testing the impact of a month of alcohol, carbohydrates and poultry-based protein on my short-term memory, I am going to try and remember the two teams.

Here goes...

Bibs: Dave A, Steve A, Simon Gas, Paul ‘The Guvnor’, Yev (eventually), Joe, Ross, Sam, Alex and Wing Commander Will

Colours: me, Ian G, Dan, Danny, Mick, Boro Dave, Simon Inkpen, Andy

Not bad, eh?

Just to show I was really paying attention, the final score was 4-2 to the team in Bibs, although the colours did initially take the lead through (I think) Dan and again via a wicked tight angled finish from Mick. Cue Yev’s customarily tardy entrance and an immediate effect on the team in colours as they sought to prevent the monster from the Urals from doing too much damage. While the colours did prevent him from scoring, having to devote so much attention to him left space for their other danger men and W-C Will and Sam both found the net as the bibs eventually eased away from the team in colours.

In terms of notable incidents there was one fairly agricultural challenge on Boro Dave from Alex which left the Teesside hitman in a heap long after the ball had gone. There was also a disputed shout for a penalty, chiefly from Yev, after Steve A had taken the ball a bit too far into the box, where goalkeeper Mick blocked. Perversely, the Bibs had claimed that it was Mick who had left the area, but thankfully justice was done. Given we were a man down and also facing a team making regular substitutions that would have stuck in the craw somewhat. My chief contribution was to get away with a cheeky handball which evaded everyone’s attention except Joe.

The refurbishment at the Old Fountain’s Head seems virtually complete, roof terrace notwithstanding. Perhaps this had attracted a larger than usual non-football crowd in there, including a healthy smattering of young ladies. They must have sensed danger, as within half an hour of Yev sitting anywhere near them they’d taken flight into the north London darkness.

Until next week...

Dear Reader, hopefully this will work out! Spizz returns.

Gashead Simon writes the match report.
Friday 16 December
Do they know it’s Christmas?
The last game of the year, a whole three weeks before the next game with an orgy of eating and drinking in-between called Christmas … surely there would be a big turnout at the Finsbury Leisure Centre on Friday 16 December? Well, no actually. So, well done to those nine hardy players who took to the Astroturf on a decidedly crisp evening and a black mark to those who cried off at the last minute, citing ‘other plans’ – we know who you are and what you were up to!
A winter’s tale
With Simon Jarvis away and Joe holidaying in Havana, the thorny task of team selection was left to Mick, who, redefining the word decisiveness, took 5 seconds to do what seems to take most of us an eternity. So, for the last match of the year, the sides were: Simon, Boro Dave, Yevgeny, young Sam and Geoff against Ross, Alan, Mick, Hugh and Danny. On paper, seemingly balanced, you would think, but, in reality, slightly lopsided, especially when one of your team has not turned up (no prizes for guessing who!).
Immediately, both sides went on the attack and, as predictably as night follows day, immediately the defensive mistakes started. Mick’s team went one nil up with a cool finish from Hugh before Yevgeny quickly equallised. Two goals in two minutes and no defence worthy of the name – it was going to be a goalfest and so the evening proved.
Stop the cavalry – Geoff has arrived!
Geoff eventually appeared and went on Simon’s side – unfortunately, no amount of attacking threat from Boro Dave and young Sam can make up for sloppy passing and an unwillingness to track back– Alan Morgan helped himself to an early Christmas present, as did Danny, and before too long the game was getting away from Simon’s side … until something extraordinary happened.
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!
Spizz arrived albeit some 10 minutes late and went on Simon’s side (for about 15 minutes) and, amazingly, not only went in goal when asked, but stayed there with little complaint for a whole 10 minutes, proving himself quite an adept keeper. Simon’s side now had a numerical advantage and the two-goal deficit was quickly clawed back, through a lucky deflected goal from Yev and a slide rule finish from Boro Dave. 4-4 and the game appeared finely balanced.
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
It’s raining goals – and Spizz, who has now been switched to Alan’s side, is now doing what he loves best – goalhanging – and, inevitably, getting on the score sheet. Shot for shot, misplaced pass for misplaced mass and Geoff’s capacity to bemuse and frustrate in equal measure – and more goals were inevitable! By now Alan’s side were leading 7-5 and seemingly heading for victory until young Sam got on the end of a sumptuous curling pass from Simon – an assist that should live long in people’s memory, but, like the last one, will probably have been forgotten by the time people get to the Old Fountain. Another quick goal from Sam and it was 7-7. Hurrah! Until, inevitably, another defensive lapse and Mick’s side took the lead, only for a last gap equaliser and a highly improbable 8-8 draw. Both sides seemed reasonably happy with the result, Simon’s especially that they hadn’t lost, although what Alan Hansen would have made of it … - well, I think we can all guess!
Merry Xmas everybody!
A high-scoring draw to end the year – well there could have been worse ways to round off the year from a footballing perspective. However, if there’s one wish for 2012 – it’s that everybody track back and defend! If you don’t want to be burgled, don’t leave the back door open, as Brian Clough didn’t say. On that sober note, I would like to wish everybody a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and see you all on Friday 6 January!

Party fears too
P.S. Much to Yev’s annoyance, the Christmas party was postponed as quite a few of the stalwarts were missing. It will be rescheduled sometime next year.