Dear Reader, hopefully this will work out! Spizz returns.

Gashead Simon writes the match report.
Friday 16 December
Do they know it’s Christmas?
The last game of the year, a whole three weeks before the next game with an orgy of eating and drinking in-between called Christmas … surely there would be a big turnout at the Finsbury Leisure Centre on Friday 16 December? Well, no actually. So, well done to those nine hardy players who took to the Astroturf on a decidedly crisp evening and a black mark to those who cried off at the last minute, citing ‘other plans’ – we know who you are and what you were up to!
A winter’s tale
With Simon Jarvis away and Joe holidaying in Havana, the thorny task of team selection was left to Mick, who, redefining the word decisiveness, took 5 seconds to do what seems to take most of us an eternity. So, for the last match of the year, the sides were: Simon, Boro Dave, Yevgeny, young Sam and Geoff against Ross, Alan, Mick, Hugh and Danny. On paper, seemingly balanced, you would think, but, in reality, slightly lopsided, especially when one of your team has not turned up (no prizes for guessing who!).
Immediately, both sides went on the attack and, as predictably as night follows day, immediately the defensive mistakes started. Mick’s team went one nil up with a cool finish from Hugh before Yevgeny quickly equallised. Two goals in two minutes and no defence worthy of the name – it was going to be a goalfest and so the evening proved.
Stop the cavalry – Geoff has arrived!
Geoff eventually appeared and went on Simon’s side – unfortunately, no amount of attacking threat from Boro Dave and young Sam can make up for sloppy passing and an unwillingness to track back– Alan Morgan helped himself to an early Christmas present, as did Danny, and before too long the game was getting away from Simon’s side … until something extraordinary happened.
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!
Spizz arrived albeit some 10 minutes late and went on Simon’s side (for about 15 minutes) and, amazingly, not only went in goal when asked, but stayed there with little complaint for a whole 10 minutes, proving himself quite an adept keeper. Simon’s side now had a numerical advantage and the two-goal deficit was quickly clawed back, through a lucky deflected goal from Yev and a slide rule finish from Boro Dave. 4-4 and the game appeared finely balanced.
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
It’s raining goals – and Spizz, who has now been switched to Alan’s side, is now doing what he loves best – goalhanging – and, inevitably, getting on the score sheet. Shot for shot, misplaced pass for misplaced mass and Geoff’s capacity to bemuse and frustrate in equal measure – and more goals were inevitable! By now Alan’s side were leading 7-5 and seemingly heading for victory until young Sam got on the end of a sumptuous curling pass from Simon – an assist that should live long in people’s memory, but, like the last one, will probably have been forgotten by the time people get to the Old Fountain. Another quick goal from Sam and it was 7-7. Hurrah! Until, inevitably, another defensive lapse and Mick’s side took the lead, only for a last gap equaliser and a highly improbable 8-8 draw. Both sides seemed reasonably happy with the result, Simon’s especially that they hadn’t lost, although what Alan Hansen would have made of it … - well, I think we can all guess!
Merry Xmas everybody!
A high-scoring draw to end the year – well there could have been worse ways to round off the year from a footballing perspective. However, if there’s one wish for 2012 – it’s that everybody track back and defend! If you don’t want to be burgled, don’t leave the back door open, as Brian Clough didn’t say. On that sober note, I would like to wish everybody a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and see you all on Friday 6 January!

Party fears too
P.S. Much to Yev’s annoyance, the Christmas party was postponed as quite a few of the stalwarts were missing. It will be rescheduled sometime next year.

This is just a prologue to the main match report of Gooner Simon!!

Last Friday was extraordinary. There was a veritable blizzard of emails between the various members of the Dargan Cup teams over bibs, colours etc. They included a bombshell email from Blades Andy about the possibility of a German tour in February. Seven guys have already committed while there will be no WAGs to avoid the disastrous World Cup campaign of the English team when their wifes and girlfriends went on shopping sprees designed to increase further Germany's current account surplus.
The actual Dargan Cup was a resounding success brilliantly organised by Big Ian G. with
an amazing 36 players turning up on time. I got a couple of games, one improbably leading the attack for the Blues, which we actually won. In the first game Big Ian made an amazing save sticking out a leg to keep out a deflected shot, which could have led us to lose 2-0 and miss out on our eventual place in the final.
I thought the Black Tops had a very creditable performance, not losing one of their four games, scoring two goals and actually taking the courage to rotate their goalie. The Greens were very pleasing to the eye with Alex, Yev and Ross carrying out waves of attacks. However, the Blues got to the final to represent the 7pm teams courtesy of our only outfield goal when Alan Morg.'s speculative shot down the middle was helped in by the opposition goalie and by a save from Gashead Simon in a penalty shot-out against the Greens.
This blog was originally started to chart a possible team visit to German involving punk star Spizz. If the Frankfurt visit comes off, I hope Spizz can come although he is into all things Italian at the moment. Unfortunately, he missed the Dargan Cup but sent his good wishes!!
Gooner Simon said he would do the match reports. I missed some of the play because I had to go and find a match ball, which had been kicked out into the bushes. However, I thought the two players of the tournament were Alan Morg., who could have got a possible Golden Boot award, if was not for a stunning, diving save from Blades Andy onto the post, and Lyall, who played for the White Team, who deservedly won the Dargan Cup.

PS. Just to give our blog readers some info. In the past month there have been 71 pageviews from the Netherlands, 69 from Germany, 53 from the United Kingdom, 22 from the United States and 12 from Georgia. Your interest is very much appreciated. Best regards from Gooner Simon, the Guvnor and Spizz.

We went down 4-2 last Friday following Spizz double.

Last Friday I came back after a long delay following a lack of fitness. Our side was kept in the game by Alex but we went down 4-2 following a Spizz double. The punk star was in dogged form after being close a few times. We tried to mount a come-back and hit the bar. However, Big Dave was very well-organised at the back for them. Other solid performances came from Gooner Simon while Gashead Simon made a fantastic diving save for us, which at the time kept us in the
game.

We are a couple of match reports behind!

I will try and get Gooner Simon to write up last Friday's match report but we are a couple of reports behind. The previous Friday we lost 6-1 when the opposition led by Gashead Simon and Danny (Liverpool FC) picked the teams. Simon has a blacklist of players he won't play with, although he might deny it. This selection policy led to a mismatch and Big Sam complained during the game that a lot of his colleagues could not trap a bag of cement. We could have got a few goals back if it was not for a couple of horrendous misses while Big Dave also missed a penalty when he hit the underside of the bar and the ball bounced out.

Spizz was again absent through injury but the star performer was probably Will, who combines pace with a willingness to make the right pass. He is not a regular player but obviously Gashead Simon had Will on his side.

I did not play last week cos the nipper was down from uni.

I tried to get some reasonable conversation out of him but it was an uphill struggle. The previous week I spent most of a miserable time in goal where we got whacked 9-2 (I think). Yev and Alan Morg. cut us apart in defence, where since we did not track back we just did not have enough numbers. Big Dave was the incredible hulk/bulk in goal for them so for a long time we could not get on the score sheet. I thought Alex was bound to score one time but Big Dave pulled off a magnificent save. With Spizz being a long-term absentee and Mick K. resting, we did not have that cultured West Midlands play on the field. In addition, Gashead Simon was in Madrid on a stag-do, taking in the local derby. Amazingly Big Dave collected the money and we all paid up. I thought about asking for a discount since I spent so long in goal but I would have had to admit that being in goal was better than suffering triangular passing. I expect Gooner Simon will come up with his particular take on the game filling the blog with saucy pictures as well as giving a report on the post mortem in the pub. I think I am going to miss the next few Fridays so my limited fitness will go for a burton but at least I won't be in goal!!!

Noms de football

Excuse the poncy title for this blog – I am under instructions from Paul to keep you all as anonymous as possible, hence noms de football… think of them like noms de guerre but without the shooting, to misquote George Orwell.

So, last Friday’s game then. Simon I (that’s his second name initial – he isn’t King of anything, so far as I am aware) opened the scoring in a lively 3-3 draw. Simon I is the Simon who isn’t Simon Gashead, or me. What you might label a dirty finish, scuffing one into the bottom right corner, but they all count. Ian West Brom then entered the fray, making it seven aside. With Yev playing in an unaccustomed defensive role the team in colours continued to press for a second, with Alex and Will causing plenty of problems for the team in bibs. Following an excruciating bash on the toe I relieved Simon Gashead in goal and with a depressing predictability quickly saw the game turn on its head as Ross finished from close range to equalise, followed by a long range effort from Alan to make it 2-1.

Alex stroked in at the other end to make it two apiece, before the bibs went back into the lead. With time ticking away some elegant passing lead to Will side footing what proved to be the final goal in an absorbing contest to level the scores at 3-3. There was a suspicion of one of Will’s feet being just inside the area as that goal went in, but there was little (if any) protest from the bibs and the goal stood.

Joe then went down with a recurrence of an old ligament injury, but despite being a man short the team in bibs defended resolutely and the side in colours could not find a winner, even with Yev returning to his traditional berth up front. Honours even, which I think all would agree was a fair result on the balance of play.

And so to the pub, where the post match hoi polloi fell into two camps: those watching the egg chasing from Cardiff and those who were not. At around 9.00 pm none other than Spizz himself came in, sporting a biker’s jacket and a shock of very black hair. That, I think all would concur, is a confirmed sighting of the legendary post-punk figure.

I have been hit by injury!!

Sorry for the lack of blogs but I have been hit by injury!!
Gashead Simon is also a bit like Bill Shankley, who famously never
talked to injured players. So I am not getting any TLC from the
manager.

So I have missed Spizz for the year
so far. I have especially missed his insight into the trials and tribulations of Aston Villa. That is not exactly true because he is a Villa fan through and
through whatever cruel fate throws at the club. It will be interesting
to see if Darren Bent is the answer to the problem.

Alan Morg. hits stunning hat trick!!

Chelsea supporter Alan Morg. hit a stunning hat trick in last Friday's three-three draw. Spizz was again absent with hamstring and knee problems and his earliest medical appointment is October 12th. The game was a crowded eight versus eight and our three goals were scored by Steve A. from the penalty spot, followed by a rare goal from Danny the Diplomat and a good effort from
Ross. Gashead Simon noted that we have registered two draws following his selection of the teams.

We perhaps should have won but Big Dave and Gashead were defiant in defence.

I am cracking under the strain of no footie!! (part two)

Dear Reader,
I thought I would be gracing the six-a-side astro pitch tonight with the guys,
who play after our slot at 7.45. However, disaster has struck. I had to powder my nose last night during the night and somehow stubbed my toe. It is not too bad but if someone steppted on it in the game I probably would be crying like a baby.

On a more serious note I will be counselling to Gashead Simon with his beloved team losing eight games on the trot if you include the last games of the last season. The 6-1 rollover to Oxford was diabolical. The expert summariser
on the BBC TV channel said the Gas's defence was all over the place.

My aims for the forthcoming season is to get more players doing their shift in goal and for Spizz to pass more rather than doing angled shots, which get you nowwhere!! Most goals come from shots made from the centre. If these aims are not fulfilled I will be giving a reduced match
fee to Gashead Simon.

I am putting Geoff up to a category B player!

Sheffield Andy remonstrated with me recently that Geoff was not as bad as I made out
and so I have upgraded him to a Category B player. Gashead Simon said the classification was a way perhaps of criticising players. That was not my intention. The aim was to avoid unfair teams being picked. The worst player on the pitch is me because of my lack of pace, the pin in my leg and the fact that I have to wear glasses. I still want a match discount!!

The last game I played in saw a recovery from 4-0 down with Alex scoring a fine
hattrick to get us back into it. Spizz was on our side but did not get a sniff in front of goal. Gashead complained latter that Mick K. often passed to Spizz when he in fact was the better opportunity. I thought the problem was that Spizz often got into space for a nice easy ball while Gashead was hemmed in by the corner but that is only my opinion.

I have been out of the game for a bit due to medical reasons. There has been a dearth of data on how the games turned out but I should get some info soon.

Last Friday saw a tight 2-1 game!!

The sides were not evenly matched for the first period with my side having seven against Gashead's six. During this passage of play we accumulated two straightforward goals through Alex and Alan Morg. The spine of the side was quite strong with Big Dave sweeping at the back. Gashead's team had players such as Spizz, Mick K. and Big Sam. Then there was a parity of team players when Adam came on. We then had to strongly defend our two goal advantage, which was reduced when Big Sam calmly slotted home.
To run down the clock Danny the Diplomat hit the ball over the fence while Big Dave marshalled our defence. We rode our luck when Gashead's team hit the post three times including a shot from Simon Gooner.

Stop press:I am not being rotated this Friday!!

Yesterday, I pushed the boat out and Gashead Simon received some fine wining and dining in south Hertfordshire. The upshot is that I am not being rotated this Friday!!
OK, the Bristol Rovers fan just had a beer and fish & chips. On the previous blog I should have put myself down as B/C as I am quite good at zonal defence while Spizz is A/B because he often scores some very good goals.

It was a very creditable two-two draw last Friday.

With Spizz rocking in Leuven during the weekend, it was a rare match without the punk star. The team selection by Goughie (I think it was him) was spot on and we had a very creditable two-two draw. With honours shared, Big Dave and Ross caught the eye on our team and Alex and Stevo did very well for the opposition.
Alex is quite a young lad compared to the dinosaurs of me and the Gashead, who was wittering about last week's match of Bristol Rovers against Wycombe, and does these mazy dribbles. He scored one of their goals while Stevo got a rare shot on target and it went in from quite a long way out. I was in goal for the Alex effort, which was expertly placed and beat my despairing efforts. Alright, I knew it was going in and I just picked the ball out of the net. I don't do diving saves, mainly using my feet. The Stevo effort was probably down to goalie error but it was not me this
time.
Ross got our two goals and shone in attack. Big Dave, Stevo's brother, marshalled things in defence and I played through the pain barrier in the right back position.
There were two new debutants Nick and Mark, who played quite well. It takes time to get used to the astro turf surface. Nick did some quite good dribbles while Mark got some strong running in, not quite box-to-box but nearly there.

Spizz missed out on last Friday's free-flowing game.

Last Friday we had a free-flowing game although my team went down 4-2. We had one goal disallowed although we thought it crossed the line. Unfortunately, Spizz was unable to play. They opened the scoring with a terrific goal from Tony. The opposition steadily moved up to take up a three-nil advantage. One of the goals was a terrific drive by Mick K. and we just could not make up any headwway up front. I was ploughing a lonely furrow down the right.
I think Boro Dave got one goal and then Big Sam scored a quick one after that. Then, we got pegged back to four-two. However, there was some controversy near the end. We suffer a bit from not playing with a referee and their side seemed to have three of them. Gashead Simon is nominally the ref and the decisions are statistically 60-40 rather than 50-50. I have offered to wear a black outfit next Friday with a whistle provided by Gashead.

Arsenal Simon, the one and only!!

I thought I would devote this blog to profiling Arsenal Simon. We also have another
Simon playing with us, who actually arranges the booking on Friday nights and who I call for the purpose of the blog Gashead Simon, because he is a Gashead (Rovers!!).
Apparently, the Cheltenham groundshare has collapsed and it is back to Bristle.

At the last pub meet before our midsummer meet, Arsenal Simon seemed slightly perplexed that I wrote a blog about the Friday night game and about the performance
(football wise) of Mr Spizz. So I thought
I would share my thoughts about Arsenal Simon with all my readers. I know you are out there because the Google report shows some hits.

The very positive atributes:
1) Arsenal Simon is prepared to buy you a drink in the pub when the round system has collapsed/or you have run out of money. So he is a true gentleman.
2) Arsenal Simon plays the game how it should be played. Triangles, push and move are not alien to him unlike the other bastards. OK, he passes even to me, even though
I am well-known for falling over or for passing it back to the opposition.
3) Arsenal Simon wears an away kit of those money grubbing crew, which I can just about tolerate, rather than the home kit. This is since I am a part time Spurs supporter, even though I might have a mindset of just remembering Pat Jennings,
Sol Campbell (why did they go to Arsenal?)
4) I have never seen Arsenal Simon foul anybody. This is unlike some who specialise in the black arts (step forward Big Dave and Boro Dave!!)

The very negative attributes
1) Arsenal Simon should score more goals. He hits the post alot. I think he has watched the Gunners too many times. At our level you don't have to place the ball an inch inside the post. You can poke it towards the goalie, who percentage wise is likely to either miss the ball completely or help it on its way. Especially, if I am
in goal. One of my unforced errors led to Boro Dave, letting loose some invective.
Big Dave said during the post-mortem in the pub aftewards it was the moment when our
team imploded.
2)I would be happier if Arsenal Simon did not wear the away shirt (which looks two or three years old). Obviously, that is a personal opinion.
Changing the subject Spizz was very pleased about his Milan trip while his mate Mick K, (they are both Aston Villa fans) says we could get a game. So the foreign footie tour might be back on!!