This is just a prologue to the main match report of Gooner Simon!!

Last Friday was extraordinary. There was a veritable blizzard of emails between the various members of the Dargan Cup teams over bibs, colours etc. They included a bombshell email from Blades Andy about the possibility of a German tour in February. Seven guys have already committed while there will be no WAGs to avoid the disastrous World Cup campaign of the English team when their wifes and girlfriends went on shopping sprees designed to increase further Germany's current account surplus.
The actual Dargan Cup was a resounding success brilliantly organised by Big Ian G. with
an amazing 36 players turning up on time. I got a couple of games, one improbably leading the attack for the Blues, which we actually won. In the first game Big Ian made an amazing save sticking out a leg to keep out a deflected shot, which could have led us to lose 2-0 and miss out on our eventual place in the final.
I thought the Black Tops had a very creditable performance, not losing one of their four games, scoring two goals and actually taking the courage to rotate their goalie. The Greens were very pleasing to the eye with Alex, Yev and Ross carrying out waves of attacks. However, the Blues got to the final to represent the 7pm teams courtesy of our only outfield goal when Alan Morg.'s speculative shot down the middle was helped in by the opposition goalie and by a save from Gashead Simon in a penalty shot-out against the Greens.
This blog was originally started to chart a possible team visit to German involving punk star Spizz. If the Frankfurt visit comes off, I hope Spizz can come although he is into all things Italian at the moment. Unfortunately, he missed the Dargan Cup but sent his good wishes!!
Gooner Simon said he would do the match reports. I missed some of the play because I had to go and find a match ball, which had been kicked out into the bushes. However, I thought the two players of the tournament were Alan Morg., who could have got a possible Golden Boot award, if was not for a stunning, diving save from Blades Andy onto the post, and Lyall, who played for the White Team, who deservedly won the Dargan Cup.

PS. Just to give our blog readers some info. In the past month there have been 71 pageviews from the Netherlands, 69 from Germany, 53 from the United Kingdom, 22 from the United States and 12 from Georgia. Your interest is very much appreciated. Best regards from Gooner Simon, the Guvnor and Spizz.

Noms de football

Excuse the poncy title for this blog – I am under instructions from Paul to keep you all as anonymous as possible, hence noms de football… think of them like noms de guerre but without the shooting, to misquote George Orwell.

So, last Friday’s game then. Simon I (that’s his second name initial – he isn’t King of anything, so far as I am aware) opened the scoring in a lively 3-3 draw. Simon I is the Simon who isn’t Simon Gashead, or me. What you might label a dirty finish, scuffing one into the bottom right corner, but they all count. Ian West Brom then entered the fray, making it seven aside. With Yev playing in an unaccustomed defensive role the team in colours continued to press for a second, with Alex and Will causing plenty of problems for the team in bibs. Following an excruciating bash on the toe I relieved Simon Gashead in goal and with a depressing predictability quickly saw the game turn on its head as Ross finished from close range to equalise, followed by a long range effort from Alan to make it 2-1.

Alex stroked in at the other end to make it two apiece, before the bibs went back into the lead. With time ticking away some elegant passing lead to Will side footing what proved to be the final goal in an absorbing contest to level the scores at 3-3. There was a suspicion of one of Will’s feet being just inside the area as that goal went in, but there was little (if any) protest from the bibs and the goal stood.

Joe then went down with a recurrence of an old ligament injury, but despite being a man short the team in bibs defended resolutely and the side in colours could not find a winner, even with Yev returning to his traditional berth up front. Honours even, which I think all would agree was a fair result on the balance of play.

And so to the pub, where the post match hoi polloi fell into two camps: those watching the egg chasing from Cardiff and those who were not. At around 9.00 pm none other than Spizz himself came in, sporting a biker’s jacket and a shock of very black hair. That, I think all would concur, is a confirmed sighting of the legendary post-punk figure.

Last Friday saw a tight 2-1 game!!

The sides were not evenly matched for the first period with my side having seven against Gashead's six. During this passage of play we accumulated two straightforward goals through Alex and Alan Morg. The spine of the side was quite strong with Big Dave sweeping at the back. Gashead's team had players such as Spizz, Mick K. and Big Sam. Then there was a parity of team players when Adam came on. We then had to strongly defend our two goal advantage, which was reduced when Big Sam calmly slotted home.
To run down the clock Danny the Diplomat hit the ball over the fence while Big Dave marshalled our defence. We rode our luck when Gashead's team hit the post three times including a shot from Simon Gooner.

Gashead's team cruise to 5-1 victory on Friday!! Classification of players!!

Despite my illness and the sorry state of the railway service I made it to watch the game on Friday night. When I eventually arrived after the start it was a close 1-1 draw but then it turned into a rout with Gashead's team cruising to a 5-1 victory. Gashead picked all the players he liked for his team such as Tone, Yev, Big Sam and Alan Morg, who are quite quick and good passers of the ball and then stuffed the opposition team with all the players he does not like such as Simon Ink., Geoff and perhaps the great man himself Spizz . These players don't like passing or can't pass. The opposition also had Alex, who is the best player on the field skillwise but again can't pass. It was Alex and Big Dave, who kept the opposition in it for so long.

There was one opportunity when Simon Ink. just had to backheel a freekick to Big Dave, who is famous for his powerhouse shots but Ink. lamely passed it to someone else, who was already marked. Ink. was oblivious to Dave's screams for the ball, possibly his ears were still affected by his recent trip to the Himalayas.

A few times Spizz was in so much room on the left it was embarrassing but he did he get the ball, well of course not. I would suggest a more mathematical or equation based
formula to selecting the teams. Players would be graded A, B and C and then we would have Venn diagram-based selection for the two teams. The A category players would be
Alex, Big Dave, his brother Stevo, Tone, Big Sam, Alan Morg. Mick K., Yev and Ross.
These are players, who can make things happen, who can produce.

Then, the B category are good players, who can pass the simple ball such as Gashead Simon, Doha Danny, Joe and Gooner Simon. Spizz and Henry are good players and are very useful attack-wise but let themselves down by not running back and by not passing.
Big Ian has more lard than you can imagine but he still has a turn of space from representing his school at county level in running. West Bromwich Ian has a good all-round game, quite good in goal but often shoots from too far out where his conversion rate of shots to goals is normally zero.

The C category include myself due to age, ailments and lack of fitness. Simon Ink. is a good dribbler, good in goal but is not a great passer, more head-down. Then there is Geoff, who is often late arriving for the game and is very inconsistent. He can either score a hat trick but nornally he can take absolutely ages in distributing the ball. Historically, Geoff never passes to me except during the last game I played in January when I fell over in shock. On the plus side he also one of the best goalkeepers with Big Dave and Gashead Simon.

Sheffield Andy's best position is also in goal or in central defence as a blocker because he has long limbs and is quite big. However, he often insists on hugging the touchline upfront, which is probably the wrong strategy in seven-a-side football.

The four best players are Big Dave, Mick K., Alex and Tone. Big Dave is also very proficient in Italian-style defending. Tone leads the vets (over 50s), which include
me, the oldest, Spizz and Simon. Alex Morg. is very good but only has one foot while
Ross is exceptional dribbling and shooting but is not one to track back. Yev has a killer instinct in front of goal, is very pacey but you could die of boredom, if you are waiting for a simple pass from him.

So last Friday's game was seven a side and Gashead Simon picked four A category players and three Bs for his side. Then, there were two As, three Bs and two Cs for the opposition, so no wonder they were eventually slaughtered. I was available for selection before a bout of chemo but apparently I am being rotated. It would have been a far tighter game if Big Sam had swapped over for Geoff or Simon Ink.

On a more sentimental note Simon Ink's girlfriend was still waiting for him even after his two month plus sabbatical in the Far East and Australia, which was quite romantic in this day and age. This contrasts with my position at the moment where the missus is giving me the ache.