Attack versus no attackers

Joe, aided and abetted by Simon Gas, opted for an interesting team selection on Friday which featured no fewer than four out and out strikers on one team – their team – with none on the others. Conspiracy theorists, do your worst.

The sides lined up as follows:

• Bibs: me, Alan, Paul, Sam, Andy, Mick (eventually), Simon (Guest appearance), Ian Geary, Danny
• Colours: Simon Gas, Joe, Yev, Boro Dave, Ian Gough, Spizz, Dan, Steve A, Simon Inkpen

Those teams don’t look that fair on paper do they? They were even less so on the pitch, particularly as the Bibs were a man down for the first five minutes as we awaited the arrival of the late Mick. That said, the side in colours were unable to score for the first fifteen minutes, with the bibs goal leading a somewhat charmed life in addition to Andy pulling off a string of remarkable saves – one in particular from Ian Gough was reminiscent of Gordon Banks at the 1970 Mexico World Cup. (Although that would make Ian Gough Pele, which is a bit of a stretch for even the most vivid imaginations). The breakthrough, when it did arrive, was at the other end.

The opening goal of the night came after I had skewed a shot across the area which was subsequently poked toward goal, whereupon Simon Inkpen could only nudge it gingerly toward Alan, lurking on the edge of the D. The ball was travelling at approximately the same speed as a glacier, but none of the defending team could do anything apart from mouth the syllable ‘No’, rather like the key scene in a Vietnam film where the platoon commander takes a fatal bullet from an unseen enemy. Once the ball had eventually reached the edge of the D Alan promptly smashed it back past Simon Inkpen with an élan that was almost contemptuous.

Despite loud exhortations not to lose concentration and therefore the lead, the bibs did precisely that, although to be fair Boro Dave’s finish from distance was very impressive. I forget who scored the next goal for the team in colours, (it was probably Yev), but Alan then grabbed an equaliser with a pirouette and guided finish that levelled things up at two apiece.

The next goal was always going to be crucial and it was the colours that got it; Spizz slipping his marker (Paul) from the far side of the area and arriving with a perfectly timed run to pass the ball through my legs and make it 3-2. The bibs then conceded a soft goal to make it 4-2, from a speculative effort from wide on the left. The final score was 5-3, with Alan completing an impressive hat-trick with what was by common consent the goal of the evening. Some characteristically nimble footwork was topped off by a sublime finish that found the bottom corner like a guided missile.

The other notable moment(s) that I can recall were toward the end of the game when Paul twice found himself in space in the outside right position. The first time I eschewed the opportunity to pass to him, instead opting for a flashy but instinctive left-footed pass toward the on-fire Alan. (Note to Jamie Redknapp here: not literally). However, the second time I pushed him the ball and as he collected it I could hear the legendary Louis Armstrong sing ‘We have all the time, in the world’. Sadly, Paul didn’t and someone duly closed him down and the chance went.

An honourable mention here for Andy’s mate Simon, who won my ‘Most Impressive Simon’ of the night award, fending off competition from Simon Gas, Simon Inkpen and myself.

Nothing too alarming to report from the pub, although the sooner the roof terrace is open the better, as it is becoming ever more trickier to secure seating in there. Spizz stole my chair, although old punk that he is he would probably argue that all property is theft anyway.

Ian Gough relayed that he had sold his ticket for the Arsenal v Tottenham game as he is understandably sick of hearing people give the most successful manager in the club’s history dog’s abuse. All I’d say is that following his decision to miss the Arsenal v Blackburn game – which Arsenal won 7-1 – I’d like to formally request that Ian sell his season ticket for the good of the club that we both love. We’d be European Champions in no time.