Attack versus no attackers

Joe, aided and abetted by Simon Gas, opted for an interesting team selection on Friday which featured no fewer than four out and out strikers on one team – their team – with none on the others. Conspiracy theorists, do your worst.

The sides lined up as follows:

• Bibs: me, Alan, Paul, Sam, Andy, Mick (eventually), Simon (Guest appearance), Ian Geary, Danny
• Colours: Simon Gas, Joe, Yev, Boro Dave, Ian Gough, Spizz, Dan, Steve A, Simon Inkpen

Those teams don’t look that fair on paper do they? They were even less so on the pitch, particularly as the Bibs were a man down for the first five minutes as we awaited the arrival of the late Mick. That said, the side in colours were unable to score for the first fifteen minutes, with the bibs goal leading a somewhat charmed life in addition to Andy pulling off a string of remarkable saves – one in particular from Ian Gough was reminiscent of Gordon Banks at the 1970 Mexico World Cup. (Although that would make Ian Gough Pele, which is a bit of a stretch for even the most vivid imaginations). The breakthrough, when it did arrive, was at the other end.

The opening goal of the night came after I had skewed a shot across the area which was subsequently poked toward goal, whereupon Simon Inkpen could only nudge it gingerly toward Alan, lurking on the edge of the D. The ball was travelling at approximately the same speed as a glacier, but none of the defending team could do anything apart from mouth the syllable ‘No’, rather like the key scene in a Vietnam film where the platoon commander takes a fatal bullet from an unseen enemy. Once the ball had eventually reached the edge of the D Alan promptly smashed it back past Simon Inkpen with an élan that was almost contemptuous.

Despite loud exhortations not to lose concentration and therefore the lead, the bibs did precisely that, although to be fair Boro Dave’s finish from distance was very impressive. I forget who scored the next goal for the team in colours, (it was probably Yev), but Alan then grabbed an equaliser with a pirouette and guided finish that levelled things up at two apiece.

The next goal was always going to be crucial and it was the colours that got it; Spizz slipping his marker (Paul) from the far side of the area and arriving with a perfectly timed run to pass the ball through my legs and make it 3-2. The bibs then conceded a soft goal to make it 4-2, from a speculative effort from wide on the left. The final score was 5-3, with Alan completing an impressive hat-trick with what was by common consent the goal of the evening. Some characteristically nimble footwork was topped off by a sublime finish that found the bottom corner like a guided missile.

The other notable moment(s) that I can recall were toward the end of the game when Paul twice found himself in space in the outside right position. The first time I eschewed the opportunity to pass to him, instead opting for a flashy but instinctive left-footed pass toward the on-fire Alan. (Note to Jamie Redknapp here: not literally). However, the second time I pushed him the ball and as he collected it I could hear the legendary Louis Armstrong sing ‘We have all the time, in the world’. Sadly, Paul didn’t and someone duly closed him down and the chance went.

An honourable mention here for Andy’s mate Simon, who won my ‘Most Impressive Simon’ of the night award, fending off competition from Simon Gas, Simon Inkpen and myself.

Nothing too alarming to report from the pub, although the sooner the roof terrace is open the better, as it is becoming ever more trickier to secure seating in there. Spizz stole my chair, although old punk that he is he would probably argue that all property is theft anyway.

Ian Gough relayed that he had sold his ticket for the Arsenal v Tottenham game as he is understandably sick of hearing people give the most successful manager in the club’s history dog’s abuse. All I’d say is that following his decision to miss the Arsenal v Blackburn game – which Arsenal won 7-1 – I’d like to formally request that Ian sell his season ticket for the good of the club that we both love. We’d be European Champions in no time.

I forgot I was doing the blog this week!!

Dear Readers, with Gooner Simon not playing last Friday (I feel your pain about the collapse of
the Arsenal and the future dispersal of all those bright talents Arsene Wenger thought he had),
I forgot it was up to me to do the Spizz Blog.

The game started five minutes late due to an over-run with the league game before us and there was a slight argument with the guys, who normally play for ages after us, to give us the five minutes we lost. There was also a technical/logistical problem because the teams were seven versus six, if I remember correctly. The West Midlander Mick K. was a no-show but if he had come it might have hit the fine balance between the two teams because the game finished three-three.

It was a pulsating 3-3 draw with Spizz taking two fine goals for us but the relative newcomer Dan missed a couple of sitters when their rush goalie was nobody to be seen. Dan is a Hereford United fan and was on Aston Villa books as a kid. So unlike some of the guys, who turn up on a Friday night, he can actually play football.

The first goal for them was when Ian Gou. (another Arsenal fan) got the wrong side of me ( I prefer zonal rather than man marking) and placed it past Blades Andy. It was a pretty soft goal to be honest. Then at the end, Joe did his Ashley Young turn inside and flashed the ball past the hapless goalie, who happened to be me.
Hugh, who is a regular for the 7.45 guys, got a nice goal with a cross shot from quite a way out but luckily I was not in goal for that. I can't remember the other goals.

I think I am setting up a goalie time bank. As Spizz did not go in goal last week, he will have to play 11.41 minutes between the sticks next time he plays. The equation supposes seven-a-side
playing for 40 minutes, because we never start on time to get a 7pm start. On my rough calculations Stevie A. would do quite a few minutes. I know people don't like going in goal but it
is not fair on the others. Good players such as Big Dave A. and Mick K. do their stint in goal without asking.

Changing the subject me and Big Sam got talking and how about a trip to Hamburg and see
St Pauli play (click the hyperlink, it a great photo!) The team is in the second division of the Bundesliga but Sam thought there would be no problems in getting a ticket. I have only been to the Bavarian cities of Wurzburg and Munich in Germany so I would be very interested in the trip. We probably would not be able to arrange a game for us to play the locals. One problem is the lack of a candidate, who would like to go in goal, although my choice would be Blades Andy.

On a sadder note my Dad passed away last week after a massive heart attack. He was born in
Manchester and used to see Utd one week and City the next at Maine Road because the Huns, who had already taken aerial photos before WWII had started, had bombed the crap out of the Old Trafford industrial estate. And that is why I support Utd although I have got a 49 pct liking for Spurs, sorry to be so schizo.

JPT: "O Lord, let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen."

++++BREAKING NEWS+++++TONIGHT'S GAME CANCELLED DUE TO FROZEN PITCH++++BREAKING NEWS

Over to Jim White in Old Street....

"Well Natalie, its not good news for north London's part-timer footballers as
this evening's seven o clock kick off has become an early victim of
the weather.

Better news for the wives and girlfriends, who will have
their menfolk at home for a rare Friday evening".

Jim, landlord of local hostelry The Old Fountain's Head, had this to say:

"It's a real shame, as most of those lads have been coming here since the fall of communism. I've managed to buy a timeshare in Bulgaria with the profits from their raging dipsomania. On the plus side I won't need to order any more boxes of crisps this week".

Tonight's postponement leaves chief administrator Simon George with a real headache, as the fixtures mount up mercilessly.

Join us after the break when Paul Merson and Tony Gayle give their reaction to the latest news.

Six goal thriller; body parts in the chiller…

Last Friday saw Winter finally arrive in the capital as a dozen or so hardy souls braved the Arctic temperatures to play a game of football. The teams were as thus:

Bibs: me, Yev, Simon Inkpen, Spizz, Boro Dave, Ian Gough, Paul, Geoff

Colours: Alex, Simon Gas, Dave A, Steve A, Ian Geary, Joe, Danny

The game finished in a highly entertaining three-all draw, although the colours were kicking themselves after taking a handy-looking two-nil lead early on. Spizz opened the scoring before switching horses mid-stream when the perennially tardy Geoff arrived to unsettle the balance of the two teams; Alex then made it two-nil. The bibs got back on terms first from an opportunist effort from Geoff and then via a classic striker’s finish from (who else?) Yev. Alex scored a third for the colours, but Yev ensured that honours were shared with a deserved equaliser.

Aside from the fact that it was so cold that the soft tissue in your lungs was burning after forty minutes of inhaling the quasi-Siberian air, the other key talking point of the game was a disputed free kick on the edge of the colours’ penalty area. I was in goal at the time, so will have to plead the Wenger amendment, but from what was discussed during and after the game the issue seemed to be that Big Dave A had at least part of his feet on and over the line of the ‘D’, thereby preventing the Bibs from taking a quick indirect free-kick before getting a shot off. A sensible strategy, no doubt, but with the goalkeepers’ feet outside the ‘D’ was it legal? Simon Gas decreed it thus, setting a precedent that Ian Gough, inter alia, is in no danger of letting him forget. It may have been the only time Ian ventured north of the halfway line in the game, but it was a memorable contribution to his otherwise purely defensive efforts.

The ensuing brouhaha looked fairly comical from my vantage point at the other end in goal, with lots of middle aged men shouting loudly and leaning into one another in a sort of circular pattern around a static football in a manner reminiscent of a group of drunken fishwives around a PVC handbag at a Christmas dinner dance. Predictably, the free kick was squandered.

I think the sub-zero temperatures must be to blame for my inability to recall much more about the game, although I had a chance to score toward the end by making a late run and poking the ball goal-ward with the outside of my left boot. To no avail, as ever.

A reasonably uneventful evening in the pub, although we should be grateful for the continued re-emergence of the enigmatic punk icon Spizz. Mine’s a Pilnser Urquell….