The End is Nigh

As the temperatures plummeted outside and with our spiritual leader still in sunny exile in the Americas we happy few gathered once more to play football at the Finsbury Leisure Centre. I assumed team selection duties and with a motley assortment of gentlemen of various ages fashioned the following two teams

Bibs: Alan, Boro Dave, Dan, Mick, Paul, Simon Ink (hat trick)

Colours: Ian, me, Tom (ringer), Joe, Alex, Ross

With the game underway Paul lived up to his gubernatorial billing and ushered on another chap in the guise of a bloke called Tom to even up the two teams. This had little effect on proceedings apart from restricting our side to ‘stick’ goalie, (we had begun with rush) and given that I had elected to start in nets my toes promptly went numb. The team in Bibs always appeared to be in control and assumed a three goal advantage with Boro Dave and Simon Ink, who went on to grab a hat-trick, among the goals. Big Ian managed to score another long range daisy cutter this week, but it proved an all too rare highlight for the team in Colours who struggled to contain the superior middle passing of the Bibs, with Dan doing much of the damage with plenty of support from Mick and Alan. Too often the Colours struggled to retain possession in the middle of the field, with one stray pass eluding my right foot and resulting in Alan pinging a ball through to the completely unmarked Dave to slot home with studied nonchalance.

Final score: Colours 4 - Bibs 8

Myself, Ian, Mick, Paul, Ross and Simon Ink all repaired to the White Lion where talk touched on a number of topics; Paul, fresh from an eye-wateringly expensive trip to see the Rolling Stones at the 02, brought out his inner Charles Shaar Murray and regaled us with tales of rock’n’roll excess from the 1970’s, including drinking bouts with Gene Hackman and a review of a shambolic Stones gig in Hyde Park.

But all talk was overshadowed by the cripplingly depressing news that next Friday will be the last 7 aside game we play at Finsbury Leisure Centre this year and probably ever. Cliff had received an email saying that after next Friday – i.e. the 7th December – the pitch will be dug up and converted into two 5 aside pitches. Without Simon Gas around to confirm or deny, we had no option but to take this tragic information at face value. Many of the chaps have played here on a Friday night for twenty years or so, certainly dating back into the last century. It is a spirit-crushingly harrowing turn of events, and one necessitated presumably because it will allow Islington Council to make a few more quid from the pitches. Perhaps we should ultimately blame the pressure on local authority budgets (and in turn, the bankers). Perhaps it’s something as simple as a new manager at the centre wanting to ‘maximise income streams’. Who knows.

If anyone is reading this that may not have played recently, this Friday could be the last chance to score a goal or win a game at the FLC. We tentatively agreed to head to the White Lion for the 14th December for a general pow-wow about what to do next and to honour the end of year Christmas festivities; until then, play up and play the game!

Our man in Bogota

 

Many apologies for the dearth of blogs in recent weeks; I missed two Fridays due to various family matters and have had a terribly busy couple of weeks work-wise. Rest assured, normal service will now be resumed.

With our spiritual leader and all-round Chef de Mission Simon Gas currently in high level negotiations in Bogota to bring striking sensation Radamel Falcao to the West Country to ply his trade for Bristol Rovers, (either that or he’s involved with some shady import/export business involving sheaths stuffed with class A narcotics), the remaining ensemble somehow had to cobble together a game on Friday. Dan and Alex took a proactive approach to team selection by forming a three-man committee along with Joe and divvying up the fourteen players before we took to the pitch. 

Said teams lined up thusly:

Bibs – Ian, Alex, Simon Inky, Paul, Steve A, Ross, Boro Dave

Colours – Danny, Dan, Joe, me, Ian West Brom, Geoff, Spizz

As you can see, sometime footballer and post-punk icon Spizz returned to the fray for the first time in some weeks to join a somewhat diminutive side (physically, at least) alongside fellow short-arses like me, Joe and Geoff.  By contrast, the Bibs had a clear lead in the Tale of the Tape as it applied to both height and weight, with colossi like Ian, Boro Dave and Paul. 

Despite physical shortcomings, the Colours raced into a two goal lead via a goal from (I think), Dan and a tidy finish from Spizz into the far corner. This was after Simon Ink had pulled off a trademark great save from my good self with the game still goalless.

I then went between the posts for the Colours and promptly let in three goals. I dropped an absolute clanger for the first; a highly speculative shot from Ian which had his team mates howling in consternation such was its ambition somehow crept under my fingers and left Ian righteous with vindicated indignation. Ross equalised via a tidy finish inside the near post and then put the Bibs in front after I couldn’t get a strong enough hand on his next shot despite closing down the angles. So, 3-2 to the Bibs.

Joe went up the other end and equalised to make it three apiece, after which Spizz was once more amongst the goals, his last strike (which turned out to be the winner) coming from some classic goal-hanging and a Pirlo-eqsue finish to wrong foot Alex in the nets. There was still time for another goal for the Bibs, which came via an unfortunate interception from Dan which left Ian West Brom flat footed between the sticks.

Final score: Colours 5 Bibs 4

And so to the White feline public house for refreshment. A low turnout this week, with Simon Ink, Joe, Spizz, Steve A, myself, Ian and Boro Dave propping up the bar and discussing topics such as the etymology of The Specials classic ‘Gangsters’ (both Ian and Spizz’s assertions that is was about former manager Bernie Rhodes and included an homage to Prince Buster’s Al Capone are confirmed here), Arsenal’s recent travails and the merits of Cornish beer over premium lager.

Senor Gashead is still away on important business in Colombia so assuming that Interpol don’t catch up with him first, we should see him back on Friday 7^th December. Until then, I will be collecting the subs – Alex, Geoff: I haven’t forgotten.

Generic blog post (not mentioning Spizz)

Last Friday evening’s somewhat chilly game of football saw a total of ten goals and plenty of action, as Simon Gas selected the two teams. With Mick arriving slightly after the start of play I was the makeweight in the subsequent rebalancing of the two sides, with the line-ups settling thusly:

Bibs: Mick, Matt, Dan, Ian Goff*, Ian West Brom, Simon Ink, Phil 

Colours: Alex, Yev, Joe, Andy, Tommy, Danny, Simon Gas, me

(The Bibs had rush keeper to reflect that they were a man short). 

The scoring had already opened before Mick’s arrival, via, I think, Alex. (Having switched teams it’s not easy to remember whether you were on the side that took the lead or not). There then  followed a flurry of goals, with Alex and Yev forming a potent double-act through the middle of the park, Yev playing ostensibly as a striker and Joe providing a very useful outlet wide on the left and cutting in to lay on the chances for the two main men. 

Meanwhile Matt and Dan proved to be a real handful for the Bibs and both scored at least once each, with long range shooting being very much the order of the day given they had fewer people to pass to. I think Phil also got on the scoresheet. As the game wore on the extra man for the Colours started to tell – Yev grabbed one goal following a rare rush-goalie mix-up that left the goal temporarily (yet fatally) unguarded - although the score never got completely away from the Bibs. 

In an event as rare as the proverbial rocking horse’s teeth or hen’s shit I managed to get on the scoresheet after Joe cut the ball back from his wide-left berth and I smartly tucked the ball past the keeper, (even if I do say so myself). That made the score 5-3, but it was 5-4 soon after, following an unfortunate own goal that wrong footed yours truly between the posts. I did manage to make amends and prevent would have been an equalising shot from Dan, before Joe wrapped things up with a late sixth goal for the Colours. 

Final score: Colours 6 - Bibs 4

Bit of a schism in the Old Fountain this week, with me, Danny, Mick and Andy on one table swapping stories of terrible jobs (I particularly enjoyed Danny’s revelation that he failed an interview for McDonald’s in the last 80’s after turning up in a three piece suit – and with his mother in tow, something which inspired this week’s byline photo), while Simon, Ian Goff* and the younger coterie of players on the other. No idea what they were discussing. 

I’m away for a couple of weeks, seeing various in-laws in Cornwall and Essex, so The Guvnor will no doubt be back in blogging action before long. 

*I am aware this is not the correct spelling.

Four versus Five

Last Friday’s game was a very taxing four versus five affair, with one of the nine players being a young ringer called Pete who opportunity had decided to knock for. With so few players, remembering the two teams is somewhat more straightforward than usual:

Bibs – Danny, Simon Gas, Phil, me

Colours – Spizz, Paul The Guvnor, Simon Inky, Joe and the young ringer Pete

(You will note that 33.3% of the players had the first name ‘Simon’). 

With the Gang of Four having rush goalie, the game kicked off and the Bibs duly took the lead courtesy of a dashing run from Danny that began in his own area and ended with a clinical finish. The Colours equalised, but the next two goals were shared as the extra man on the colours’ side started to force the Bibs to work very hard. But with the score balanced at 2-2 Simon Gas scored what seemed to feel like a game changing goal, with a trademark drilled shot from wide on the left that found the bottom corner of the goal.

There followed another key point in the game, with punk legend Spizz refusing to go in goal, a hand injury being ostensibly blamed for his inability to take turn as ‘keeper. With the goal left unguarded in the ensuing melee, Danny squared a pass that pinged off the unfortunate Simon Ink and into an empty net to make the score 4-2. I don’t think it’s an understatement to say that this incensed The Guvnor and the ensuing row seemed to spread disaffection through the Colours’ ranks; the Bibs duly extended their lead in a commanding fashion, with Danny and Phil doing the majority of the damage, scoring from distance, via some dashing forward play and on one occasion via an outrageous nutmeg on Simon Ink that saw Phil turn on goal with a ruthless display of finishing. 

Spizz seemed to have about 25 different chances from just outside the ‘D’, but whether some form of karmic justice was at play or whether it was just great goalkeeping, the margin between the two teams continued to grow until the Bibs lead 10-2. An uncharacteristic incidence of unsporting behaviour from Danny, deliberately handling the ball to prevent Pete from having a one-on-one with the ‘keeper, saw Simon Gas give the Colours a penalty kick which Spizz duly dispatched. The Bibs grabbed a couple more goals, but the game still finished with a resounding 11-5 win for the Bibs’ Gang of Four. 

And it was only a Gang of Four that made it to the pub, with all three Simons and Joe settling in at the White Lion to watch England v San Marino. (Well, the first half, anyway.) In stark contrast to the Old Fountain I was served within around 6 seconds of reaching the bar, with both members of staff poured a pint each. How’s that for service?

Here’s to some more players next week.

Waterworld

With The Guvnor currently incapacitated with something or other, (diphtheria? rickets?), I resumed blogging duties for Friday 5th October’s game. I will be taking a slightly more traditional approach to the ‘match report’ following Paul’s blog from last week which suggested fines for people deemed not to have passed sufficiently often, as well as those who have not “put in a shift”, (with the cash in the latter case going to Simon Gas. As if he needs the money). I’ve never read a match report from someone who left before the end of the game either, but not for nothing does The Guvnor have a reputation as a maverick.

Friday’s game was played amidst the sort of driving, relentless rain that you could expect to find on the bridge of a ship, or in a film set in a dimly-lit dystopian future starring someone like Kevin Costener or Mel Gibson. The somewhat inclement weather may have been partly responsible for the relatively low turn-out, with two teams of six each.

From memory, they lined up as follows

Bibs – Phil, Matt of the flaxen hair, Wing Commander Will, Sam, Simon Gas, Joe

Colours – Boro Dave, Danny, Alex, Mick, Simon Inky, me

Despite a closely fought opening, with the two teams sharing the first four goals, the game turned into something of a rout, although the possession stats would have looked reasonably even.  The final score was 11-3 to the Colours, with Boro Dave on fire – not literally, Jamie Redknapp, (in case you’re reading) – and Alex providing the Teessider with the ammunition. The pick of Dave’s goals was a real picturesque effort, with Mick pinging the ball through to Dave on the edge of the ‘D’ and Dave backheeling the ball with his first touch and into the net. Despite the slippery conditions there were relatively few keeping blunders, although Matt scored with a shot that I should have been able to stop. Some wayward finishing combined with increasingly miraculous goalkeeping prevented the Bibs from scoring more than three goals – during Simon Ink’s spell in goal he ‘saved’ a shot , seeing the ball ricochet off both of his ankles and fly over the bar. It had turned into one of those evenings by the end where everything that the Colours tried was coming off – Mick fizzing the ball in from the half way line, Dave receiving the ball with his back to goal and still managing to turn, shoot and score and most bizarrely Simon Ink tackling Sam for a loose ball and then watching it squirm beyond the keeper for the eleventh goal. I couldn’t score mind, with my best effort coming back off the far post as I attempted a Norman Whiteside-style finish.

Following the end of the game and some more heroics from Dave (he had to retrieve the ball from the playschool behind the goal) Mick, Sam (who had returned from a post-match fit of pique), Simon Gas, Danny and myself repaired to the Old Fountain, which was very busy.  Topics of conversation included the 2012 Christmas party and the fact that we should go to the White Lion next Friday as they have more seats and Simon Gas is keen to renew the acquaintance of the delightful russet barmaid, although she may have grown her Winter coat by now.

The Guv'nor shocks the two teams with early goal.

Last Friday night the Guv'nor shocked the two teams with an early goal. "I found some space on the left wing, I think it was Gashead, who poked the ball down the line, then I had Danny in goal at my mercy.
I curled it round him and the ball hit the post. For a moment with my luck (my Dad passing away on Valentine's Day and Man Utd losing the league to the noisy neighbours) the ball would come out again but it
nestled in the net."

The Guv'nor told an off-pitch reporter that his confidence was sky high after a good pre-season playing with Cliff and Kev's team. Fenian Mick could testify that he got a neat goal in a match organised by Cliff, although the Guv'nor would be a bit disorientated since he plays a zonal defence system rather than the man-to-man marking preferred by the
7.45ers.

Soon, after the goal, the Guv'nor trundled back to defence to replace Gashead in goal. Fenian Mick quipped that the colours were putting their best attacker in goal!.
"The game was seven-a-side and evenly matched until Phil Bowers and Alex Charnley started passing to the opposing team rather than doing the easy ball to me and opening the defence."
"I managed to catch the 7.44 and saw a bit of Gardener's World, which gave me my tasks for the weekend, which included raking the lawn. I was quite pleased with my performance and I owe Gashead a six quid match fee."
I am going to propose an addition to our by-rules, people who don't pass and people who don't do their shift should pay Gashead a tenner.
The surplus we build up can be used for a physio fund to help players get through injuries. The best sight for me last Friday was the return of Ross from a knee injury. The lay-off might have been shorter if we paid for private physio."
Before I left we basically had the game under control with Matt scoring two fine goals and also diverting a shot into our own net. I thought he was the star of the match. Spizz scored a fine curving shot when I was behind the sticks. Yev and Mick were the pick of the bunch for them.
In his captaincy role Mick had to explain a few simple football strategies to WBA Ian.