We are a couple of match reports behind!

I will try and get Gooner Simon to write up last Friday's match report but we are a couple of reports behind. The previous Friday we lost 6-1 when the opposition led by Gashead Simon and Danny (Liverpool FC) picked the teams. Simon has a blacklist of players he won't play with, although he might deny it. This selection policy led to a mismatch and Big Sam complained during the game that a lot of his colleagues could not trap a bag of cement. We could have got a few goals back if it was not for a couple of horrendous misses while Big Dave also missed a penalty when he hit the underside of the bar and the ball bounced out.

Spizz was again absent through injury but the star performer was probably Will, who combines pace with a willingness to make the right pass. He is not a regular player but obviously Gashead Simon had Will on his side.

Sorry about the delayed post!!

The last game before the Good Friday and Royal Wedding breaks saw my team sliced
open by Alan Morg. while their defence was well-marshalled by Mick K. I did not really
get into the game but at least the kit is washed for tomorrow's turnout. Still missing
Spizz!!
We had Big Dave and Alex play well for us but it took us ages to get on the score sheet
and we eventually ran out 5-1 or 4-1 losers. I realise I should take notes.
Sorry to see Sheffield United relegated and our thoughts are with you, Andy, at this
time.

Are you Tony in disguise?

I have omitted to write anything about the last three Friday night games, although I note that Paul posted something about the dreadful mismatch a few weeks ago which finished 9-2, (Yev doing most of the damage). Given that Gashead Simon has given me the mantle of Team Selector I take full responsibility, although rather like Tottenham in the Bernabeu on Tuesday everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong that week. I wish I’d been on a stag do in Madrid, let’s put it that way. The trauma rendered me wordless for three whole weeks. Sadly, the same cannot be said for ‘Arry Redknapp and his son Jamie, who opined after seeing his father’s team receive a thorough gubbing in Spain that he “knew his Dad fairly well”. I’m sure Mrs Redknapp is pleased to hear that.

The following Friday – I make that March 25^th – saw a seven goal thriller. Unbelievably, I scored the winner for the team in bibs. Asked to talk through the goal afterwards, I said

“I was too tired to run back when yet another failed attack broke down. Then the ball broke to me following a tackle in midfield. There was no-one within 20 foot of me and I kicked the ball past Ian”.

That week saw Ross bag a smart hat-trick, despite Dave A’s usual goalkeeping heroics. All other memories have fizzled away…

Last Friday’s game ended 5-3, if memory serves. Pick of the five goals was a beautiful finish from Mick, who ran across the edge of the D and stabbed the ball into the roof of the net with a nonchalant flick of his right boot. I was in goal at the time and had a wonderful view of the move. Yev, obviously, was also amongst the goals, the best of his haul being a rifled finish from an acute angle after some soft shoe shuffling out on the left.

Alan bagged one for the losing side, gleefully pouncing on a loose ball after I had palmed the ball away from goal. The major news after the game was that Gooner Ian has refused to play on the same side as Alex any more, following allegations that the midfield dynamo won’t pass to him. Ian was so incensed by the lack of service from the Stoke man that he unilaterally decided to play outside left, a role he took to with some aplomb, latching on to a loose through ball to side foot home a first time shot. The goal wasn’t enough to placate the Uxbridge-born man, however, and he remained officially Cheesed Off after the match.

Last Friday was the first game after the clocks went forward and to mark the occasion the boys spent the first hour or so drinking al fresco, before moving inside when the pub had cleared. No sign of Mick’s favourite barmaid this week, although Yev did consider making friends with a Dutch girl as the evening wore on. In other news, Alan, Ian and I discussed the prospects of a London team winning the European Cup for the first time, (a dream I’ve had on behalf of my beloved Arsenal since English teams were readmitted into Europe in 1991). The consensus seemed to be that Chelsea had a great chance – after this week they’ve certainly got a better chance than Arsenal or Tottenham.

Finally, I saw a photo of Croatian legend Robert Prosinecki today (see above). I thought it was eerily reminiscent of a temperamental film director who was playing football with us until fairly recently. I’ll let you be the judge.

I did not play last week cos the nipper was down from uni.

I tried to get some reasonable conversation out of him but it was an uphill struggle. The previous week I spent most of a miserable time in goal where we got whacked 9-2 (I think). Yev and Alan Morg. cut us apart in defence, where since we did not track back we just did not have enough numbers. Big Dave was the incredible hulk/bulk in goal for them so for a long time we could not get on the score sheet. I thought Alex was bound to score one time but Big Dave pulled off a magnificent save. With Spizz being a long-term absentee and Mick K. resting, we did not have that cultured West Midlands play on the field. In addition, Gashead Simon was in Madrid on a stag-do, taking in the local derby. Amazingly Big Dave collected the money and we all paid up. I thought about asking for a discount since I spent so long in goal but I would have had to admit that being in goal was better than suffering triangular passing. I expect Gooner Simon will come up with his particular take on the game filling the blog with saucy pictures as well as giving a report on the post mortem in the pub. I think I am going to miss the next few Fridays so my limited fitness will go for a burton but at least I won't be in goal!!!

Two left feet

Last Friday’s game saw Simon Gashead take a week’s sabbatical from the action, in part because he’d managed to bring two left boots to the game. Insert your own joke here.

With Simon suited and watching from the sidelines, there ensued a lively eight-a-side which finished 5-2 to the team in colours. The team in bibs comprised Boro Dave, Ross, Joe, and Keir (so no shortage of fire power), as well as myself, Danny, Ian West Brom and Simon the Drummer up against Yev, Sam, Dave A, Mick, Alex, Andy, Paul and Ian Gooner.

The team in colours raced into a two goal lead after goals from Sam and Yev, the first of which I should have saved, with the second being a fierce effort from the Ukrainian which flew into the top right hand corner. When the team in colours scored a third, again through Sam, it looked like turning into a rout but the side wearing bibs managed to get a couple of goals back through Boro Dave (a tidy finish) and the goal of the game from Keir – a trademark finish into the roof of the net from an acute and unlikely angle - before weary legs and wayward finishing allowed the bibs to extend their lead into an unassailable 5-2 advantage, with Yev eventually ending the match with a brace.

The general consensus seemed to be that the teams were reasonably fair, but perhaps not as much as has been the case in recent weeks. On reflection, the team in colours maybe had a bit too much in midfield, but there was plenty of action in and around the bibs’ penalty area. No matter.

Not too much to report in the pub this week, certainly not in the first hour and a half anyway. It would appear Jim’s recruitment and selection policy as it relates to employing barmaids hasn’t changed in 2011. Amen to that.

Taking the Mick

Now then. There is a player amongst us called Mick Kavanagh. A very fine player, I’m sure we’ll all agree – great range of passing, tough tackling, box-to-box and possessed of a thunderous shot. It would appear I have been hiding Mick’s light under a Gary Bushell of late, with little mention of his goal scoring feats. No longer.

First of all, I erroneously omitted Mick from last week’s scoresheet. Mea culpa. Secondly, I am beginning this match report not by telling you the teams, or the final score, or even who scored the first goal, but who scored the crucial third. It was Mick. This goal was of such crucial importance it made Simon Gashead try and change the teams, such was the apparent dominance the side in which Mick (naturally) appeared. For the record, the goal itself was a rasping effort drilled hard and low into the bottom right hand corner after some pleasing interplay on the right between the Brummie banjo player and Alex from Stoke. As everyone ran back for the restart, Mr Kavanagh leaned in to my ear and uttered, sotto voce, ‘Put that in your blog’. And here it is.

By this stage Alex had already scored twice, both fine finishes after some good running through midfield, but Mick’s goal, or more probably Simon’s offer to reshape the sides, had a galvanising effect on the team in colours and they promptly pulled two back, both through Simon the Drummer, if memory serves. At that stage it looked as if we could be in for a comeback of Newcastle proportions, but a cataclysmic mix-up in the coloured team’s defence lead to someone (Alex?) having an open goal to roll the ball into. There was time for one more goal from the side in colours to leave a final score of 4-3.

The other major talking point was the gradual re-emergence of both Simon Gashead and Dave A from goal, like two shaggy behemoths emerging after a Winter spent in hibernation. Ian Gooner, somewhat unkindly, blamed Simon’s vacating of the penalty area on the team in bibs sudden shipping of two goals, although Simon was soon settled into his familiar left back berth. Dave A was uncharacteristically shot-shy, although the one effort I can recall cannoned into my midriff.

And so to the pub, although not for me as I endeavoured to shake off this infernal head cold which has been filling my sinuses for the past fortnight. Until Friday, I leave you with a tribute to Mick (see above), who has a certain familiar look to him.

The phantom hatchet man of Old Street

Last Friday night’s action saw 8 play 7, with Geoff given the role of super sub, should it be required. Lining up for the team in bibs was Simon Gashead, still nursing a nasty bump on the ankle and therefore staying in goal, Steve A, Joe, my good self, Boro Dave, Ross and Ian West Brom. Up against them were Dave A, also still keeping goal due to injury, Paul, Yev, young Sam, Danny, Andy, Mick and Simon the Drummer.

It was a game with a number of interruptions; Yev left the field within the first five minutes to drop the kids off at the pool and Simon the Drummer blasted the white ball out of the ground and onto the roof of the portacabin directly behind the goal. But the most notable interruption was when Steve A injured his ankle after taking a trademark tilt at goal from near the halfway line. With no one within five yards of him he went down like a wounded moose, (making a similar noise). Following Simon Gashead’s mysterious ankle injury and my similarly bizarre toe knack it would appear that a malevolent spirit is haunting the five a side field, taking one of us out each week. What could be the cause of this footballing poltergeist? Is there some sort of jinn out to crock us all?

Whatever the truth, and it is out there, Steve’s injury ushered in the introduction of the mercurial Geoff. Except it didn’t, at least not for a couple of minutes, as in typically enigmatic fashion he vanished from view only to reappear just as suddenly. By this stage of the game the team in colours were two goals up, although I cannot quite recall the two scorers – I believe they were young Sam and Yev, who having lost a few pounds in the disabled toilet had something of a spring in his step.

Despite both sets of posts coming in for a real pounding the score remained 2-0, with Dave A in particular proving incredibly difficult to beat. One suggestion from Mick is that he plays in a kilt next week to even things up.

An extraordinarily busy night at the Old Fountain’s Head, to the extent that we spent around 30 minutes drinking outside – in February. An early night for all, bar Ross who was off to somewhere suitably rock ‘n roll in Bethnal Green. Get well soon, Steve.