Coram Fields from Space

As promised, the full match report returns this week following last week’s one game protest against the tsunami of criticism that I received for picking two wonky teams last Friday. I think the less said about it all, the better. 

Before we get onto this week’s game, some sad news about Ian Gough, Friday Night Football mainstay for twenty years and legend in his own lunchtime. Ian’s decided to retire from the fray after two decades of action, hundreds of goals and a thousand bollockings of both opponents and team-mates. In terms of highlights from a wonderful career, personal favourites include the time at Old Street when he’d had about seven pints in the afternoon and spent the game goal-hanging – very successfully, I might add – and terrifying the local youngsters who’d scampered on to make up the numbers. Or the time when he stormed off just before the end of the match due to the appalling gamesmanship of Dave Aiton, who was trying to coax on the participants of the next game in a bid to make sure that his team won. Hopefully we will see Ian again both on the field, periodically at least, as well as in what I’ve always thought his spiritual fiefdom, the pub. 

With Ian bowing out of the action and Dan being marooned in Chelmsford owing to some transport shenanigans, we had two teams of nine to participate and they looked like this:

Blues: Phil, Patrick, Steve, Mark, Alan, Liam, Simon Ink, Simon Gas, Paul

Yellows: Luke (son of Phil), Mick (father of Patrick), Joe, David, Jaime, Tim, Ross, Andy, me

As you can see, I put the filial duos of Mick and Patrick and Phil and Luke on opposite teams. (And I know how proud Mick will feel at being qualified in relation to his son and heir).

A much tighter game than last Friday ensued, although only after the Blues took a three goal-lead, with goals coming from Patrick at the near post following some zesty running on their left, followed by a free header for Patrick from a corner (from all of about two foot) and then another great header from Liam who ghosted into the centre of the box to gently nod home a cross from Phil. 

The Yellows / Oranges responded by finding some shape in midfield thanks to Jaime and Mick and their creative promptings, coupled with Ross’s leading of the line, saw the Yellows claim one goal back through Joseph, who forced the ball home following a series of ricochets in the box. The Yellows then scored again before Joseph bagged the equaliser, coming out of defence and swapping passes with Jaime (I think) before coolly slamming the ball home in a manner that I am going to describe as Yaya Toure-esque. 

The Blues retook the lead through Patrick who took advantage of the Yellow’s inability to clear the ball to ram the ball home. With time running out he looked to have won it for the team in azure bibs, as for the second time in the match play was suspended while we retrieved some of the balls that had careered out of the field of play and into the dark undergrowth of Coram Fields. (Phil was the prime culprit here, but honourable mentions must also go to Andy and Steve).

With tension rising and Yellow shouts for a penalty for what looked like a foul on Joe as well as a disputed over-the-line drama (to be fair it would appear that the ball didn’t cross all of the line), one last effort on goal saw Joe swing at the ball just inside the area which slammed into the net off the post as the final peep on the time-keeper’s whistle was echoing.

Final score: Blues 4 – Yellows 4

And so to the pub, at least for myself, Alan, Paul, Simon, Ross, Andy, Liam and also David, enjoying a rare late night excursion. Topics under discussion included Ian‘s retirement, Mourinho versus Wenger, England‘s Euro 2016 qualifying campaign and a roll call of some of the great, not so great and downright horrid from matches past.