Simon's Magic Bus

Two new debutants this week, as Simon’s Spring offensive to recruit more players continues apace. First there was James, playing his first game for around five years, but the pre-match chit chat was all about the other newbie, Veronica from Malmo. She’s a girl. From Sweden. And she plays football. 

Apparently Veronica had approached Simon Gas last Friday evening as he alighted from the 154 in Muswell Hill, (what with the Daimler being off the road as it was being buffed up by Simon’s butler, Harkins). Spotting the Coram Fields Soccer Supremo sporting a Sports Direct bag complete with balls, (the first time Simon’s ballbag has caught a lady’s eye since 1988), she explained that she was interested in playing football and that she was a ‘warrior’. Simon replied that there was nothing to worry about and duly arranged for said femme football to join us at Coram Fields, as exclusively revealed by Spizz Sports News yesterday. 

Speaking of which, post punk luminary Spizz came out of his period of mourning for Spock to take to the field for the first time in a couple of months. Along with the two tyros from last week, Joseph and Peter, this gave us two teams of ten aside.

Viz: 

Yellows / Oranges: Tony, Danny, Simon Gas, Mick, Patrick, Joseph, Ian Gooner, me, Veronica, James

Blues: Dave, Dan, Mario, Yev, Ian Baggies, Steve, Nick, Paul, Peter, Spizz

As you can see, this week also saw a return to action for Mario, (which in any other week would have been the lead story).

A lively encounter ensued, with Tony opening the scoring for the citrus coloured bibs with a splendid effort that swerved and dipped into the goal from around twenty yards. The Hampstead auteur went on to narrowly miss out on a hat-trick as he exerted his directorial influence over the Yellows’ attackers, including Miss Veronica, James and the filial duo of Mick and Patrick. 

The Blues forward options looked menacing on paper and Yev duly equalised by seizing on a rare loose ball from the debutant Swede and efficiently slamming home into the far corner – Mario also got on the scoresheet, capitalising on some good work on the right from Yev to steer one home. I managed to tip over a cute effort from Yev that was driven down into the ground and on schedule to dip under the bar.

But despite the very potent Blue attacking force The Yellows / Oranges kept a decent shape in midfield and at the back and managed to frustrate the Blues as the game wore on, with both Mick and Patrick joining Tony on the scoresheet, the former goal coming from some decent interplay from James and Veronica before Kavanagh Senior rolled in for the Yellows’ third. There were not too many other talking points, although Nick did concede a shocking handball as I tried to loft a pass through to Patrick – the resulting free kick came to nought, chiefly as a result of Yev not retreating more than three yards.

The final goal of the evening was something of a party piece from James – I initially thought it was reminiscent of this Frank Worthington goal, but on reflection it was more akin to Justin Fashanu’s iconic effort for Norwich against Liverpool. Depending on whether or not you believed the whistle to have gone or not, James’s goal made it 4-2 or 5-2 to the Yellows.

And so to the pub, as Veronica brought her fellow Swedes Heinrich and Olaf Longshanks to the Skinners, where Spizz announced a gruelling looking tour in support of Kirk Brandon’s Spear of Destiny and Yev revealed he has finally bought his wife a car, (now she just needs to learn to drive).

And so to next Friday, where we await Simon’s latest surprise signing. Asa Hartford? Lenny Bennett? A talking horse? Anything seems possible these days.