Blankety Blank

Many apologies for the radio silence last week; I had one of those incredibly trying weeks that come along every so often when there doesn’t seem to be a spare minute from the moment you wake up until bedtime. Thankfully, this is a more peaceful weekend and usual service is restored. I hope you were able to fill in the blanks yourselves. 

I’ll begin with a summary of the previous Friday’s activity, although it is remarkable how all the games blend together sometimes. Thankfully, I’ve still got the line-ups and I can remember the final score. Here goes…

Friday 22^nd January 2016

Yellows: me, Steve, Jaime, Matt, Ian Gooner, Mario, David, Mark, Danny and Ross

Blues: Ian Baggies, Simon Gas, Joseph, Paul, Charlie, Peter, Nick, Michele, Alan and Liam

Ten aside, for the more mathematically minded of you. 

For a while, when the Blues were 5-3 ahead, it looked rather as if the Blues would run away with things to make it a far more one-sided game than has been the custom since my ground-breaking stats system, but the Yellows recovered to get the scoreline looking respectable. Liam, as ever, was among the goals with one finish where he rolled Ian to tuck the ball home inside the far post one of the more memorable moments of the match. (How’s that for alliteration?) 

The game was, perhaps, best summed up by the fact that more often than not there were only myself, Ian and David at the back as the not-inconsiderable tide of Blue attackers streamed forward – with Charlie and Peter having a combined height akin to that of the Sears Tower, they also had a significant aerial advantage, although Steve had one of his best games at Coram Fields as he rolled back the years and won header after header, sliding tackle upon sliding tackle and even weighed in with a deft header via a pass from Mario to nod past Simon Gas in goal. He didn’t deserve to be on the losing side.

Final score Yellows – 4 : Blues – 6

One aspect of Steve’s game which never alters is his unrivalled ability to get the ball over the fence and out of play. Last Friday was no exception and we had the preternaturally agile Mario to thank for being able to clamber over the fence adjacent to the Foundling Museum, shimmy along a two inch ledge and jump down to retrieve not one, but two footballs in amongst the ghosts of London’s orphans past.

And last Friday saw a decent turnout at the pub, as myself, Ian, Alan, Steve and Simon were joined by the surprising arrival of Yev, who clearly has nothing better to do on a Friday night than loiter around King’s Cross, (there’s an obvious joke there, but you can do some work yourself), as well as the eternally Late Geoff. Discussion centred on the Arsenal v Chelsea game, which I will gloss over, and the other usual chestnuts. The younger coterie of Ross, Mark, Liam and Nick dined with two older gentlemen, the provenance of whom I omitted to enquire on Friday just gone. Perhaps they can enlighten us in due course? 

Friday 29^th January 2016

And so onto the final Friday in a January which has already marred the year with its relentlessly miserable toll of death from the worlds of sound and vision. With Tony returning to action following his most recent injury, this is what the two line-ups looked like:

Yellows: me, Simon Ink, Steve, Charlie, Michele, Ross, Danny, Peter and Liam

Blues: Ian Baggies, Simon Gas, Andy, Jaime, Paul, Mark, Ben, Tony, Mario and Callum

This one was decided by the odd goal in nine, with another tight match with little to choose between the teams. In writing this blog I realise I’ve inadvertently paired the Swiftian gigantic duo of Charlie and Peter again, which is something I’ll need to watch out for. I spent almost the entire game in my own half, trying to prevent Mario, Callum and Tony from scoring first at the back, then in goal and at the back again, so my ability to recall the Yellows’ goals was somewhat stymied by distance and the veritable forest of legs between me and the Blues’ goal. I understand that Liam was heavily involved in proceedings as they relate to goals scored – Charlie and Peter were able to join up play for Michele, Ross and Liam and while I believe that Ben in particular had a very solid game at the back for the Blues, the pressure of younger legs eventually turned into goals.

However, with the usually lethal Callum and the powerful shooting of Mario causing the Yellows problems, the scoreline kept narrow – Mario bagged a hat-trick with a goal to the top corner coming through a thicket of players and another which he took great pleasure in telling me came after he’d spotted me slightly off centre. Callum was also in amongst it, with one finish catching Danny out at the near post and another a delicately flicked finish from a low corner.

In terms of memorable moments, I left Danny in trouble with an ill-advised throw-out that saw Tony steal the ball and shoot toward the top corner, only for me to redeem myself to tip the ball over the bar for a corner. Speaking of Tony, he had a number of increasingly deafening shouts for handball against Ross, but none were given. At the other end, Paul managed to slice the ball up into the air for Ian Baggies in goal to claw desperately onto the bar, only for the rapacious figure of Liam to stab home from all of a yard or so.

Final score: Yellows 5 – Blues 4

Paul was keen to get to the pub this week to watch his beloved Manchester United smite the mighty Derby County 3-1 before he leaves this sceptre isle for the somewhat surprising holiday destination of Antarctica (via Buenos Aries) with the even more surprising travel companion of his dear old Mum. Happy Holidays, Paul.

With none of the pub crew wanting to stay much after the end of the Cup game, it was an early night at the Skinners for once. 

See you in February, when perhaps we can be spared any more visits from the Grim Reaper.   

Lazarus

Welcome to another cold and wintry week, Spizzenergi football fans. As is custom at this time of year, there were plenty of players to pick from on Friday and pick them I did – we enjoyed a nine aside last week (Mick being a late withdrawal) and the two teams ended up like so:

Yellows: me, Nick, Joe, Peter, Danny, Liam, Mark, Mario and Paul

Blues: Simon Gas, Andy, Steve, Jaime, Ian Gooner, Simon Ink, Michele, Ross and Alex

Here’s what happened. The Yellows soared into a two goal lead through man of the match Liam and, apparently, Peter (although I am reliant on pub hearsay for confirmation of Peter’s goal). Any concerns that the Yellows would run away with things were soon stymied, however. After Danny and Nick had both kept clean sheets during their respective stints in goal, I managed to ship three goals inside ten minutes. The first was definitely a cross that looped way over my head and plopped into the top corner – Jaime being the goalscorer, I believe – before Ross poached another after robbing Mark and poking home through my legs. I think Ross got the third in similar fashion. I then handed the gloves over to Joe, but was still culpable for the fourth Blues goal, as I failed to track Michele’s run and he calmly steered the ball past Joe to make it Yellows 2 Blues 4.

Soon after it looked as if the jig was up for the Yellows. With Alex running things in midfield the Yellows were heavily reliant on Peter to hold play up and set the twin strike-force of Liam and Mario running. One of his promptings fell loose and with Alex and Liam both charging toward the ball, but coming in from different angles, their studs got tangled and Liam looked to have twisted his knee to the point where he’d have to go off injured. He duly hobbled off and I was considering reconfiguring the teams when Liam reappeared, Lazarus-like, and started sprinting forwards. He quickly scored to bring the game back to 3-4 before suffering a slightly less accidental challenge from Alex that left the Yellows with a freekick, which came to nought. With the momentum shifting, Nick took corner upon corner for the Yellows to try and set up Peter or Liam, but Simon, Steve and Andy looked to have shut up shop for the Blues at the back.

With the next game’s players edging nearer and nearer the touchline Liam found himself free inside the area and slammed the ball low into the bottom hand corner to equalise, completing his hat-trick. He wasn’t quite finished, however – clearly riled by being cleaned out by Alex, Liam had smelt blood and tried to score a fourth. On receiving the ball wide on the right he rolled a couple of challenges and smashed to ball at the goal from an acute angle; it bounced off the post and onto the crossbar, but Mario was lurking on the other post and leapt like a dolphin at a theme park at the ball to force the ball home and conclude the scoring.

Final score: Yellows 5 Blues 4

Onto the pub, where the cold weather had done nothing to put off the New Year’s drinking. With no tables being free, the vertical drinking precipitated a number of conversations, including some football podcast tips from Nick (many thanks), assorted stories about Bobby Moore, Simon’s mischievous questioning of Ian’s support for Arsenal given his West London origins and, of course, the life and legacy of the great David Bowie.

Until Friday, stay warm and toasty. 

Heroes

Happy New Year, everyone and welcome back to the world of the Friday night match report, which actually features its namesake and original inspiration for once. As is custom for the first game of the New Year, there was a bumper turnout with twenty chaps pitching up. Here are the teams I came up with:

Yellows – Simon Ink, Paul, Alan, Ross, Ian Gooner (welcome back), Nick, Steve, Yev, Alex and Simon Gas

Blues – Mark, me, Andy, Danny, Ian Baggies, Spizz (ditto), David, Mick, Liam and Mario

As you can see, the diminutive post-punk firework wasn’t the only prodigal return; Ian of Forest Gate also returned after a short, self-imposed exile. And just to prove that the more things change the more they stay the same, Yev was late.

With ten aside space and time were always going to be luxuries that few could afford, but despite the number of personnel on the pitch a decent game of football ensued.  The Yellows, with what David later referred to as their bearded midfield hordes, kept surging forward to try and set up either Ross or Yev and it was the former who opened the scoring by punishing the Blues’ defence and steering the ball home past Danny. That goal prompted the Fylde coast midfield dynamo to head out of nets and bring his vim and energy into effect for the Blues.

Liam then equalised courtesy of a rather route-one effort, controlling a goal kick which bypassed the other eighteen players on the field and slotting home past Simon Gas. The game could then have gone either way, with Simon Gas proving difficult to beat in goal for the Yellows, and Ian Baggies and assorted Blue defenders somehow managing to thwart the relentless pressure from Nick, Alex, Yev and Ross, with Ian stretching play with his cute goalhanging.

For the Blues, the front three of Spizz, Mario and Liam had a tough time of it up against Simon Ink and Steve at the back, but it was the Caledonian striker that had the final say by squeezing home from a tight angle and thereby winning it for the Blues. Props go to Mark and David for the Blues, who had great games in midfield and defence respectively, while Alex and Yev looked the men most likely to for the Yellows.

Very little drama or controversy this week; Spizz claimed a dubious free kick from Steve, which thankfully came to nought, while we mysteriously played on after the final whistle before being unceremoniously turfed off by the Coram Fields manager.

Final score: Yellows 1 – Blues 2

And so to the Skinners, where a hot buffet and end of year presentation took place in a nod to Christmas (just) past. After an hour or so delay, Alan, Ian and myself took our seats to await the safe arrival of a platter of pork pieces, chicken drumsticks, sandwiches and mini sausages and very nice they were too. Eventually Simon and the rest of the crew realised that they’d better get involved before we three disappeared into a blur of processed pork and they were joined by two plates of chips and battered prawns. Yum.

As the deep fried carbohydrates took their soporific effect Ross read aloud the goal scoring stats for the season so far, with the bearded chanteur taking second place behind Liam, who duly held the Silver Plate aloft. Never one to miss a chance to muscle in on someone else’s glory, Spizz also photobombed the picture with, err, a cardboard disc. Liam’s in good company here, as the last time I saw Spizz try and hog someone else’s limelight he was on stage with Iggy Pop at the Royal Festival Hall (and about 100 other people.

Which brings me onto Iggy’s sometime producer, friend and conspirator, David Bowie. What a sad day. It’s very hard to think about a world without Bowie in it; it’ll certainly by greyer and less interesting. See you on Friday. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2je8B_2CeM