Blue Friday

The second Friday of the new season saw significantly more agreeable weather conditions than the horrific monsoon which marked the inaugural game of the 2013-14 campaign. Simon Gas’s Summer clarion call to find new players continues to reap rewards as another bumper crop of amateur footballers took to the fray.

From memory there were 18 of us, lining up as follows

(New) Bibs: Simon Gas, Alex, Phil, Kiwi Nick, Alan, Steve, me, Tony, Andy

Colours (and one old Bib): Dan, Matt, Danny, goalkeeper Phil, bearded Nick, Ian, Mick, Geoff’s mate, Ross 

The chief talking point of Friday’s game was undoubtedly the debut of some spanking new blue bibs. These replace the doughty yellow efforts which I think it’s fair to say have seen some traffic over the years. New and sparkly the new Bibs may be, but for those of us who are colour blind they played havoc with our eyesight as several players on the opposing team took to the field wearing dark blue shirts, notably Geoff’s mate, who donned a Bristol Rovers kit for the evening. Actually, I’ve just proved my own point here, as the power of the interweb tells me that Rovers’ away kit is black and purple, (refreshingly earthy adjectives from the Gas there, rather than, say, blackcurrant and midnight blue).  

Nevertheless, once some initial confusion over apparel had settled, (Dan wore a yellow bib for instance, to denote that he was not playing for the blue Bibs, but for the Colours) another entertaining match unfolded. The Bibs took an early lead and looked ominously strong, so Simon Gas served to handicap them by switching me to their ranks while beckoning on Mick, who had been calling out to Simon plaintively from behind the goal, to play for the Colours. 

Simon’s efforts to undermine the Bibs proved fruitless however, as they ran out handsome 7-2 winners. In among the goals was Alan, who intercepted a blindly hit backpass and calmly rounded the keeper, Alex, Phil, the prodigal Tony who was enjoying the freedom afforded by the Bibs’ intelligent midfield play and even myself. I would have scored twice were it not for a controversially ruled out goal following a drop ball that Simon Gas adjudged not to have been taken correctly, the ball (allegedly) failing to hit the floor first. This was one of a number of argument-provoking on-field decisions, with the other ongoing refereeing black hole being the head-height rule from corners.  

Away from issues associated with officialdom the Colours did make a number of decent chances but struggled to wade through Steve and Andy at the back and despite two decent goals from Matt, in what will be a valedictory performance before his expedition to south America, they failed to get closer to the Bibs’ score, despite enjoying plenty of the play.

A smaller crowd at the pub this week, but low numbers failed to stymie a lively debate concerning Scotland’s proposed independence from the rest of the United Kingdom. Goalkeeping Phil, Ian, Mick and Alan were the debaters in question; unsurprisingly the truculent Celts thought that Caledonia should be finally break free from centuries of English perfidy, conveniently ignoring the gusto with which many Scotsmen contributed to the spread of the British Empire. Ian pointed out that they had enough oil and whisky to make a go of things, but I think we all agreed it would be a shame to lose such a brilliant flag as the Union Jack. If they do leave the union all England need to do to maintain an economic hold over the frozen north is slap a 500% export tax on Buckfast. They’ll be hankering for a return of the Queen before closing time.

After the deluge

After what was pretty much a three month Summer break from football – watch and learn, Sepp Blatter – we returned to the newly refurbished Coram Field playing surface last Friday on the 13th September to a veritable monsoon. Slightly taking the edge of the freshly laid Astroturf, the colour of which I can only describe as luminescent, the hour’s play must have seen something like an inch of rain and rendered every man jack of us looking like a drowned rat.

Despite the deluge, a bumper crop of footballers young and old turned out for the first game of the 2013/2014 season. I’m not going to name every player, not so much because I can’t remember, but principally because I didn’t know everyone’s name. That’s how many people were there.

Still, tradition behoves me to make a stab at naming the two teams. Here goes:

Colours – me, Simon Gas, Danny, Alex, John (my cousin), David, the prodigal Tony, Paul, Ross

Bibs – Ian Arsenal, Matt, Dan, the last Yev, Phil, Kiwi Nick, Bearded Nick, Steve and two fellas I didn’t know, one of whom had to depart after smashing a tooth following an collision with the other

I make that 19 people – na-na-na-nineteen – which seems to tally with Simon Gas’ pre-match list, although one of the two new blokes left after a nasty collision which left him spitting blood (and quite possibly teeth) and I can’t recall seeing Phil for longer than the first twenty minutes or so.

Anyway, I believe the final score was 9-7 to the Bibs, (they won, anyway).

If some people hadn’t played since June then they certainly didn’t show it. Sadly, my rustiness was all too evident – my first attempt at a pass off to the right touchline for Danny rolled harmlessly out of play. Everyone laughed. I did exactly the same thing about three minutes later. No-one laughed.

Among the goals were Matt, who scored one excellent goal after nutmegging both me and then Simon Gas; Ross, following a short pass from myself; Yev, naturally; Alex, who scored a wonderfully entertaining effort in the manner of a dribbling wizard from the 1940’s; Tony, back from exile; my cousin John, following some mercurial footwork on the left; and Ian, who swivelled on the proverbial 6d and slammed one in from an acute angle. Given the torrid conditions there were a few efforts that slipped on a surface which was greasier than a Scottish chip-shop and skidded through fingers, hands and other sodden extremities.

All in all, great entertainment (not that anyone could have seen through all the rain).

I am pleased to report that The Skinners Arms is still open and was being patronised heavily by the various players who needed reviving. I left as Yev had bought Ian a quadruple whiskey in return for loaning him some bicycle equipment over the Summer. I hope the ride home went well, Ian.

Welcome back.